SINGAPORE – Mr Ismail Didih Ibrahim’s rage once had such a strong hold on him that he threw a Molotov cocktail at his former wife’s house and was jailed.

Today, the 38-year-old is a changed man.

After his release from prison, he opened a nasi padang stall about two months ago and hired former convicts to run it.

Mr Ismail, whose family runs the popular nasi padang restaurant, Hjh Maimunah, said his nine-month jail sentence opened his eyes to the lives of men behind bars.

Many of them have parents who were abusive, or fathers who were repeatedly incarcerated. In turn, the men followed in their fathers’ footsteps.

He said: “My focus is to give former convicts, especially those from the Brotherhood programme, a second chance. I want to give them the opportunity to develop new skills and to give them a living wage, so they don’t have to go back to illegal methods (to make a living).”

The Brotherhood programme is a support group for men who have hurt their loved ones, said Mr Ben Ang, principal social worker at Thye Hua Kwan (THK) Family Services.

THK started the programme in 2019 to help the men better understand the roots of their violence, and to give them the skills they need to better manage their anger and other emotions.

Mr Ismail has hired two men to run The People’s Nasi Padang at the UE Print Media Hub in Tai Seng Avenue. Both are former convicts, and one of them, a fellow member of the Brotherhood programme, spent over 30 years behind bars for a string of serious offences.

Mr Ismail, who has a Master of Business Administration, joined the Brotherhood programme in 2021.

While he said he never laid hands on his former wife during their short marriage, the anger and resentment he felt towards her continued even after their divorce.

Things came to a head when he “went berserk” after serving a 14-day quarantine during the height of the Covid-19 pandemic in 2020.

He was unable to see his psychologist at the time for his mental health issues and what quickly followed was the Molotov cocktail incident.

“I was someone who suppressed my anger but when it blew up, it blew up very hard,” said Mr Ismail.

No one was physically hurt, although the house was damaged.

The Brotherhood programme was a lifeline and taught him how to manage his anger.

It also helped him learn more about himself.

Mr Ismail, who has since re-married, said: “The most useful thing is the encouragement and support I receive from the brothers.

“I know there will always be someone who will make time for me if I need it. Everyone has critical moments when they just need someone to talk to.”

One of his staff is JG (not his real name), a 52-year-old who has spent over 30 years behind bars for seven sentences.

It includes jail terms for drugs, rioting, and threatening and assaulting his former wife.

The former gang member, who left school after Primary 6, is thankful to Mr Ismail for hiring him as a stall assistant.

“I’m happy here as I feel Ismail understands me,” JG said. “It’s not easy for me with a violent record to get a job. People are scared (to hire me).”

JG said he had a very short fuse and was prone to violent fights. 

The Brotherhood programme taught him how to manage his temper. It gave him a “second home”, with the love and support shown by the other men in it.

And, crucially, it also strengthened his resolve to change for good.

JG recently brought his mother to a session of the programme for family members. He knelt down in front of the elderly woman and kissed her feet.

“I wanted to ask for my mother’s forgiveness, as I was in and out of jail and had tried to kill myself,” he said.

The men join the programme of their own accord and Mr Ang from THK said it helps them be accountable for their actions. It also helps them repair relationships torn apart by abuse.

There are currently over 40 men in the Brotherhood programme and many of them have abused their wives or former wives. Many of them were also either abused by their fathers, or had fathers who abused their mothers.

Mr Ang said the men learnt to be abusive from their fathers, and he counts on the programme to break the inter-generational cycle of violence.

Seven months ago, THK set up a Time-Out Fund to pay for a budget hotel stay of up to three days for men who feel they are on the verge of violence.

“When violence happens, it is the women and children who are removed from the home. It should be the men who leave (the home),” Mr Ang said.

“So we started this lifeline. When the brothers are in conflict, instead of hitting their wives, they call us and they get out of their house for a few days to calm down.”

During the time-out, social workers would calm the man down and come up with a plan to keep the family safe, among other actions.

Mr Ang said the initiative was mooted by the men themselves, and it was funded by a donor.

Mr Ang said Mr Ismail has grown from being withdrawn when he first joined the programme, to someone who is now like a big brother to the other men.

He said: “One of the most significant changes in Ismail is that he wants to contribute to society and to help others.”