SINGAPORE – Mr Tan’s former wife cheated on him multiple times in the course of their relationship, and he decided enough was enough.

The 38-year-old professional, who declined to reveal his full name, said: “I felt very alone, and felt that both of us were very unhappy with each other.”

“I did not want to forgive her any more,” he said of his former wife’s latest affair, which made him end their marriage. 

He said their divorce was an ugly affair.

While they had agreed to the terms of the divorce, such as the division of marital assets and their two young children’s living arrangements, he claimed his former wife later went back on her word. So they fought over these issues.

He sought individual counselling at a social service agency to help him deal with his anger, and his feelings of loss and depression. 

While he has friends to talk to, he felt they may not understand what he was going through. He did not want to tarnish his former wife’s image by talking about his marital woes with family members.

Mr Tan found support among other divorced fathers through a support group for such men, called the Transcending Divorce Group Support programme.

“There is a sense of belonging in the group and I don’t feel so alone,” he said. “We share our problems and discuss possible solutions or ways to deal with them better. When we share our issues, the counsellor will put it in perspective and help us see things from a more positive light.”

The FAM@FSC – or Strengthening Families Programme@Family Service Centre – run by Fei Yue Community Services, a social service agency, started the support group in 2021.

Members of the group meet over Zoom for six sessions during each run.

Mr Tan joined the fourth run of the group, while the fifth such group will start on Monday. 

Mr Yap Ching Keong, a counsellor at FAM@FSC by Fei Yue Community Services, said the agency started the group as there was a lack of support groups for divorced men here. 

The aim is to help the men make sense of the situation they find themselves in, better manage the emotions they are struggling with, and to help them heal from the divorce.

During the sessions, they discuss topics such as dealing with anger, loneliness and forgiveness – which are common issues the men face, Mr Yap added.

There are up to 12 men in each support group.

Mr Yap said: “It’s very easy to struggle with unforgiveness and carry that resentment everywhere you go. But we hope they can see how they have also contributed to the marital breakdown.

“We hope to help them come to terms with the loss of their relationship and marriage.”

Many of the men told Mr Yap they are thankful the group has helped them to better manage their anger and other emotions.

Fei Yue also runs a support group for divorced women, which is run along the same lines as the men’s group.

Besides Fei Yue, social service agency Care Corner Singapore will soon launch its Papa for Life support group for fathers going through a divorce or have already divorced.

Run by Care Corner FAM@FSC (Eunos), the first group will start on Thursday and the members of the group meet in person for six sessions.

Various social service agencies run FAM@FSC, which supports those facing challenges in their relationships.

Participants who join the support groups run by Fei Yue and Care Corner do not have to pay for the service.

Care Corner Family Support Services assistant senior counsellor Edward Hoon said: “We want to give the men a safe space for them to share, as they can relate better to and they feel more comfortable sharing if there are only men (in the group).”

A divorced father, who is the invited guest speaker, will share his experiences on topics such as managing one’s emotions, co-parenting and self-care.

Members of the group will also share their own experiences after listening to the guest speaker. In a group, they learn from one another and provide support to one another, Mr Hoon added.

Business owner Lester Tang, 39, has attended a support group run by Fei Yue. He is divorced, and has an 11-year-old son.

He found it helpful to hear from the other men on how they managed their divorce and their emotions. 

He said: “I find it hard to talk about matters of the heart with my friends. I think it’s a man thing, like we keep our stresses and problems to ourselves.”

He added that hearing the perspectives of other men in the group has helped him in various ways. “I’m better able to understand my emotions and what I’m going through. And I have learnt to manage my emotions better.”

To find out more about the support groups for divorced men and other support programmes run by the various FAM@FSCs, you can visit the Family Assist Portal at familyassist.msf.gov.sg