NEW YORK – Adults have been vocal about the effects of phone and social media use on adolescents, and how to best intervene to protect their mental health.

Psychologists suggest teens take social media breaks and ask themselves as they scroll: “Do I feel bad about myself while looking at this?”

Public health experts recommend “adult monitoring” and setting clear boundaries for when and where teens have access to phones.

Yet, rarely are young people asked what they think might be constructive or what they already do to build healthy habits.

So, The New York Times spoke to girls aged 12 to 17, who have participated in programmes led by Girls Leadership, a non-profit that teaches confidence-building and how to use social media responsibly. Here are some of their best pieces of advice for other teens – and what they want adults to know too.

Teen-to-teen advice

1. You do not have to reply right away

Reminders to do your homework. DMs in every app. Multiple group chats blowing up. All of these notifications can feel endless and overwhelming.

Niki Shiva, 17, from Hayward, California, sets her phone to “do not disturb for everyone except mum” to mitigate her anxiety.

She says she often obsesses about whether people have written back to her, so she tries to minimise the temptation to check her phone constantly.

She removed her messaging app from her home screen – it is now tucked away in a folder in her app library – “so I didn’t have to look at the number of notifications”.

2. Unfollow people and pages that make you feel bad

Several of the teens say that, when possible, they remove accounts from their social media feeds that chip away at their self-esteem.

Kamryn Nutzel, 16, from New Orleans, Louisiana, unfollowed influencers she noticed were making her feel lousy, and tries to detach when she starts to feel her fomo (fear of missing out) creeping in – by taking a bath, doing a face mask or simply going to bed early.

Sometimes, she also deletes her apps for a day or two, until she is feeling better.

3. Ask yourself, whom are you posting for?

Four of five teenagers in the United States say what they see on social media makes them feel more connected to what is going on in their friends’ lives, according to Pew Research Center.

That is how Ella Moyer, 17, from Scottsdale, Arizona, approaches Instagram.

“It’s a memory box for you,” she says, a highlight reel of fun moments to share with friends and family, like photos from her prom night. “Every time I open my phone, I don’t see perfect celebrities. I just see my friends.”

4. Put down your phone and go outside

Studies have found that spending more time outdoors, even as little as two hours a week, can make people healthier and happier.

Rosalina Pinkhasova, 14, spent a lot of time this summer in the new inflatable pool her family set up in their backyard in Fresh Meadows, Queens. “Sometimes, I like to put alarms on to tell me when to stop being on my phone,” she says.

5. Bed is for dreaming, not scrolling

There is one piece of wisdom that many teens and adults agree on: Having a phone in your bedroom overnight can make it hard to get a good night’s sleep. And nearly a quarter of teens struggle with insomnia.

Noor Rauf, 14, from Astoria, Queens, recommends silencing phone notifications and keeping the device out of reach. She keeps hers in a laptop case on her desk.

“It’s not far,” she says. “But at least off my bed, you know?”

Teen-to-parent advice

1. Instead of banning teens from social media, try talking to them about it

Even when their phones are banned or particular apps are off-limits, the teens interviewed say they can find a way around those restrictions.

They will watch TikToks on YouTube. They will hide their Instagram Story from certain followers. They will send Snapchats from their friends’ phones or use e-mail instead of text.

Instead of simply taking their phones away, the teens recommend coming up with boundaries together, and talking openly about building safe habits.

Ella suggests that parents first ask their kids how they want to interact with social media: What do you want to do online? What are you hoping to see?

When talking to her mother about social media, she found it helpful to focus not only on the harm, but on the good that can come from it too. “Posting is a great way to show confidence and also capture memories that you want to keep,” Ella says.

2. Check in regularly

It is a rite of passage for teens to feel misunderstood by their parents. But they still want their parents to ask them questions and to listen.

“Create an open environment where your teen is honest with you, so it doesn’t feel like he or she has to lie,” says Kamryn, especially when it comes to stickier topics such as what they are seeing or posting on social media.

3. Watch your own social media use too

If you are telling your teen to limit his or her social media use, while you are busy scrolling on Facebook every night, it is going to be more difficult to enforce restrictions.

“When your parents are berating you for using your phone, or giving you rules they don’t abide by themselves, it makes following the rules a lot harder,” says Janine Edmunds, 14, from South Jamaica, Queens. “Because it’s like, well, why should I follow it if you’re not even trying a little bit?” NYTIMES