Fast X (PG13)
141 minutes, opens on Thursday
2 stars
The story: The movie, the 10th in the series, is the first piece of a three-part finale that will bring the Fast & Furious franchise to a close. Fast X opens with a flashback showing the events of Fast Five (2011). Dom Toretto (Vin Diesel) and his crew steal Brazilian drug lord Hernan Reyes’ cash safe, leading to a car chase that results in the death of the kingpin. His son Dante (Jason Momoa) returns in the present day, seeking revenge on Dom and his family.
For a while now, the Fast & Furious franchise has sailed clear of any need to explain itself. You either get its maximalist approach or you don’t.
The laws of physics? They bend to the masculine will. There is no problem that cannot be solved with a car. Real men don’t converse; they strike a pose then drop cool one-liners. Dead people come back; enemies become allies with one act of mercy.
There is a temptation to believe that the creative team is being deliberately cheeky, that it is aware of just how ludicrously over-the-top the series has become. Then, how do you explain Vin Diesel?
Because in this movie and in previous ones, in the midst of the cartoonish excess, the weirdly static Diesel appears to take himself quite seriously.
He seems to think that in a movie featuring cars that can be launched into orbit, its touchstone of sincerity is Dom, a fossil of an action hero fished out of a 1980s flick.
When the story should be frolicking, this sombre, self-regarding lump drags it back down to earth.
Dom is meant to be the relatable working-class husband and dad, but Diesel manages to make backyard cookouts, canoodling with his wife Letty (Michelle Rodriguez) and playtime with son Brian (Leo Abelo Perry) either dull or awkward usually both. Seconds feel like hours.
Dom, when not dropping platitudes about friendship and family like a gym-bro version of Barney the purple dinosaur, is grimly clutching a steering wheel, frozen in one seated position, even if the car is pointed straight up or down.
In contrast to the nearly comatose Diesel, wrestler-turned-actor John Cena is a delight.
As Dom’s brother Jakob, he embarks on a Dom-free adventure that lets him show off his gift for comedy. If only the film had leaned harder on Cena’s agile expressiveness instead of Diesel’s dead-eyed delivery.
Ten movies in and the series still cannot work out how to combine the campy energy of its wacky plots and insane car stunts with the stodgy, conventionally masculine male characters played by the likes of Diesel, Jason Statham and Dwayne Johnson.
Hot take: This is the third-last Fast movie, at least in the main franchise, and it offers conclusive proof that this saga’s COE should not be renewed.
