Teenage sexuality can begin with innocuous hugs or kisses, which may have become entrenched and normalised in a child’s mind.

“Give Grandma and Grandpa a goodbye hug” is a statement uttered regularly in homes.

But there is a good reason why you might not want to tell your child to hug or kiss anyone, including relatives. 

The child may think you are implying that there will be negative consequences if he does not do what you say.

It is like saying, “I don’t care if you’re comfortable with it or not, show affection anyway.”

That is a dangerous message, and children who think they need to comply with adult requests for affection are more likely to be sexually exploited.

When a child feels forced to show affection, he may get the message that he is not in control of his own body. 

If he is told by a predator to do something he is not comfortable doing, he may feel obligated to comply.

But a child who has been taught that “It’s your body, and you get to say ‘no’ to things you don’t want to do” is more likely to be able to say “no” if someone asks him to do something he is not comfortable doing. 

It is an important message to carry throughout life.

Parents can also deliver a subtle message to their friends and relatives by letting them know that they should not force their children to be physically affectionate if they do not want to be.

Lee Tai Huat