"It's okay to miss Slams, just to let you know. It's not life. Life is not a Slam. Life is the next, whatever, 60 years that follow after that with the kids."

- TENNIS STAR ROGER FEDERER on prioritising fatherhood over his career

"Apparently having a boyfriend is the biggest accomplishment of the year for me. I also wrote a movie that I starred in and I'm really proud of that. But yeah, somebody has agreed to have sex with me."

- COMEDIAN AMY SCHUMER joking about her new relationship with furniture designer Ben Hanisch

"Once he moves all that money out the way of his door, he might perform. It's a big honour."

- ICE CUBE joking about persuading former N.W.A. bandmate Dr Dre to perform with him when the rap group is inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame