NEW YORK (NY TIMES) - Earlier this year, my granddaughter had a half-day of pre-school on Fridays, so her mother and I tried to find a weekend when I could drive her from Brooklyn to New Jersey for a sleepover at Bubbe's house. Bubbe is Yiddish for grandmother.

The problem: She had started playing T-ball, with games on Saturday mornings.

My daughter would have allowed her to skip a game. T-ball for four-year-olds is a low-stakes proposition. The kids whack at a ball atop a cone until they hit it, while outfielders largely ignore the proceedings and nobody keeps score.

But Bartola loved showing up in her uniform, wearing eye black like her big-league hero, Aaron Judge of the Yankees. I didn't want her to sacrifice a Saturday.

I hadn't expected to confront this dilemma for years to come, but here it was. As kids grow older, developing more interests and busier schedules, grandparents face competition - from sports teams, music lessons, homework and friends. We have to work to maintain our relationships.

Ms Ros Reece, an artist in Portland, Oregon, wondered what happened to that little boy who loved long walks with his grandmother.

"It always turned into a major adventure," she told me wistfully, remembering time spent with one of her grandsons.

"There was always a bird or a turtle to see in the woods. The park had slides and swings. He had his first taste of ice cream."

Now?

"He's 14," she said. "It's like, 'Go for a walk? Why?'"

Yet, research by Dr Rachel Dunifon, dean of the College of Human Ecology at Cornell University, shows we can stay connected. Analysing federal surveys from 1997 through 2007, her team found that half of children under five spent time with a grandparent in a typical week. More surprisingly, so did 35 per cent of elementary school kids and 20 per cent of teenagers.

As much as it can complicate our routines, we can't really bemoan that growing grandchildren have more going on than they once did. Unless it's overdone, that's a healthy development.

I'll encounter even more complicated schedules ahead, but happily, grandparents whom I interviewed offered some road-tested strategies to keep connections alive.

One-on-one time

Family visits, in person or on Zoom, are often group events for grandparents Dent and Mary Lynch. But Mr Lynch also spends time with them individually, even if that means just a short drive for ice cream or a visit to a guitar store. His wife takes them back-to-school shopping.

"They like the attention," he explained. "They tell you about their day or about school, without their brothers and sisters sharing the spotlight."

Dr Deborah Jacobvitz, a child psychologist at the University of Texas in Austin, approves. "In a group, children can recede or not feel involved," she said.

"One-on-one gives grandparents a chance to really listen and it makes children feel important."

Strive for some extended time together

Ms Amy Thomas began inviting her two nearby grandchildren to her house in Berkeley, California, for what she dubbed "Mamie's Day Camp" when they were seven and 10, sometimes joined by her two nieces. Camp ran five days a week for two weeks.

"I saved boxes to make box cities in the backyard," she recalled. "I had lots of art stuff. We'd bake bread. It was pure fun and my children were pathetically grateful for any childcare they got."

Even spending a week at Grandma's house can help strengthen relationships in ways harder to achieve during fly-by visits, and compensates somewhat for distance.

Use the very technology that can drive you crazy

By fifth or sixth grade, many children have cellphones and younger kids may send messages via tablet or computer.

So, at least once a week, Ms Betsy Buchalter Adler and her husband text their 14-year-old grandson, who lives hours from their home in Pacific Grove, California.

"With a phone call, he has to respond," she explained. "With a text, we're not interrupting."

They keep their banter light, sometimes including memes and photos. He replies when he wants to.

Other grandparents mentioned using WhatsApp, Google Hangouts, FaceTime and Skype to stay in touch.

One caution - parents set the rules for children's devices and we need to respect those.

"We want parents to feel comfortable with the role grandparents play and not feel second-guessed," Dr Dunifon advised.

Celebrate the interests that matter to them

If the grandkids are not available to come to you, that doesn't mean you can't spend time together. The Lynches show up at games, recitals, concerts - whatever their grandchildren get involved in. They applaud, express their pride and take the kids out for a meal or treat afterwards.

Entering children's worlds works particularly well with shared interests.

Ms Reece confessed that her attempt to learn the video game Minecraft, a favourite of her 11-year-old grandson, utterly failed. But he loves taking pictures and sends her those he is particularly proud of. They both follow a favourite photographer on Instagram.

Dr Denise Pope, a senior lecturer at Stanford University Graduate School of Education, cautions grandparents not to be "evaluative", however. Kids get enough of that.

"You're the cheerleader, there to cheer them on no matter what," Dr Pope said. "You're not the scorekeeper."

Gifting small sums to older kids

"Giving a kid money allows him to use it any way he wants, and it feels very adult to him," Dr Pope said. We've been trained to regard money as an impersonal gift, but even small sums acknowledge older grandkids' growing independence.

So, Ms Elsa Rosales takes her granddaughters Christmas shopping. She sets a budget and "they have to keep count of how much they have spent and how much they still have", she said.

The youngest, 13, appreciates the opportunity to work for pay. Lawn-mowing or yardwork also means spending time with her grandfather.

As for T-ball, once the season ended, Bartola and I had our overnight visit. We had a fine time and her parents got to sleep in. But we may have run into a hurdle. Having watched Raya And The Last Dragon with its animated awesome heroine maybe 130 times, now she wants to learn karate.

On Saturday mornings.