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Dear diary: A peek into the private journals of 6 Singapore athletes

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(From left) Brazilian jiu-jitsu exponent Constance Lien, sailor Kimberly Lim, Paralympic swimer Toh Wei Soong, shooter Martina Veloso, high jumper Michelle Sng, and swimmer Quah Ting Wen.

ST PHOTO: KEVIN LIM

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In a Singapore swimmer's diary a searing entry begins...

"I hate my body."

In a shooter's journal is scrawled a piece of advice to the self.

"It's OK to feel scared, been a while since I last competed."

The history of humans, from Leonardo da Vinci's sketches to Anne Frank's experiences, has been scrawled in logs and etched in notebooks. Inevitably some of the most thoughtful and agonising stories of sport are written in diaries.

Mostly they are deeply personal and shown to no one but a coach, but on The Straits Times' request six Singapore athletes opened their journals for us and allowed us to read scattered entries.

To read the excerpts is to eavesdrop on struggle and it can feel intrusive, like watching the peeling back of a psychological skin. And yet the athletes agreed to share their entries because their lives are inadequately understood. We see their performance but here, on paper, is a glimpse of the inner athlete. Beaten, unbowed. Hurt, hopeful. Unhappy, driven. Unsure, elated.  

So much changes in sport, but the athlete's diary, often written on paper in ink, will endure. In the pages of an exercise book will always be found affirmation, doubt, details of improvement, and young dreams so wild ("I want to be the best in the world") they need a private home. This is a truly human document of growing up.
 

Michelle Sng, high jumper

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