‘I feel lonely in real life’: Teenage girl finds solace in online friends on Roblox

SINGAPORE – Years of concern over Mary’s (not her real name) phone use came to a head in June 2025, when her parents discovered she had an online boyfriend.

Now 16, she has had two such relationships since she was 15, meeting both boys through Roblox, an online game platform hugely popular among the young.

Mary, a Secondary 4 student, told The Straits Times that she had been cautious, screening these individuals – who are not in Singapore – through video calls to ensure they were around her age before getting into a relationship. She had never met them in person.

But her parents, alarmed and upset, made her cut off contact.

In the most recent incident, her father smashed her phone in a fit of anger when he realised she had continued messaging one of the boys.

When she falls out with her parents, she seeks solace online, resulting in a cycle of tension and unhappiness at home.

Her mother has lashed out in frustration, sometimes comparing Mary with her twin sister.

“I’m not as pretty, slim or smart (as her). I feel hurt when my parents compare us,” she said.

She finds companionship and validation from online friends she meets on Roblox, who share similar interests and challenges and offer emotional support. She has more than 10 such friends with whom she chats regularly.

With her self-employed parents at work, Mary spends her afternoons and evenings on her smartphone, scrolling through TikTok, Instagram and YouTube, pausing only for tuition or dinner.

On some days, her screen time exceeds eight hours.

“I know I use my phone too much, but I don’t want to stop. I feel like I’m part of a community online, and it makes me happy,” Mary said.

Her online friends understand her more than people in real life do, she said, adding that she feels lonely offline.

“I find comfort in them. They hear me out and let me rant,” said Mary, who has one close friend in school. “I don’t socialise much in school, I don’t like to talk to people in real life. I’m an introvert.”

She has since opened up to a therapist at MindfulBear, a specialist counselling centre for children, after her parents insisted on counselling.

She has attended six sessions since September.

Ms Jeon Hong, a learning and behavioural specialist at the centre, said the sessions are aimed at helping Mary and her parents better understand one another.

She explained to the parents that unmet emotional needs can drive teenagers towards excessive phone use, while encouraging Mary to reduce her screen time and be honest with her parents to rebuild trust.

It is not easy to resist using the screen, Mary said.

“It’s quite addictive since there are a lot of things that pop up in your feed, and there are always new things to laugh about,” she said.

“TikTok has videos that I relate to, which describe family tension, relationships and friendships,” she added.

“I tried to use the phone less, but I relapsed again. This has happened so many times.”

Ms Hong said therapy often comes with many ups and downs, and progress is rarely linear.

“Setbacks or relapses often occur, and it can be discouraging, but what is most important is to continue supporting the child and not give up.”

Mary’s 48-year-old mother said poor grades and a difficult attitude compound her frustration with her daughter’s excessive phone use.

“If her studies are good, if she can manage everything well, I don’t mind her using the phone,” she said.

While Mary is strong in English, she is failing several other subjects.

She said she is stressed over the national examinations as she wants to get into a good post-secondary course.

Her mother said: “I regret giving her the phone when she was so young. I should have been stricter.”

Mary received a mobile phone with parental controls when she was nine.

As she appeared to manage her usage well, her parents gradually allowed more screen time.

By upper primary, she had started playing Roblox.

When she turned 13, the parental controls her parents had set through Google’s Family Link app ended, in line with the policy at the time.

In January, Google revised its rules so that 13-year-olds require parental consent to disable supervision.

Mary’s parents feel she still has some way to go in changing her phone habits.

They are worried about her future and hope she will find the motivation and desire to do well in life.

Her mother said she has caught her daughter lying on several occasions.

She said: “I’m more worried about her character than her studies. She is going to enter society soon. How much longer can I protect her?”

She also worries that Mary’s kind nature could make her vulnerable to being taken advantage of.

“She is the kind of girl who will buy things for others even if she has less money than them,” she said in Mandarin.

Mary said that while she understands her parents’ anxieties, she wishes they would not assume that everyone she meets online is a predator.

“I have seen his face... My parents have to trust me. If he is not my age, I will stop talking to him,” she said of her then boyfriend.

Mary hopes her circumstances will improve in time.

“I want to be a good daughter, a good student. It’s just the phone problem,” she said.

Her dream is to become a therapist. “I want to help people. I read that suicide rates are high among teens, and I want to help them.”

What parents can do if their teen uses the phone excessively

What is my child turning to their phone for?

Parents whose teenagers are constantly on their devices may want to ask themselves this, said Ms Hong.

This is more helpful than fixating on screen time, anxiously checking a child’s phone without consent, or constantly reprimanding them.

“Often, excessive screen use is a symptom, not the root issue,” she said, encouraging parents to focus on connection before correction.

“Imagine every time you talk to someone and 90 per cent of what they say comprises correction or criticism – we would naturally avoid this person and seek another space where we feel competent, accepted or valued,” she added.

Building a strong, secure relationship helps parents and children address underlying issues, such as loneliness or a need for validation, she said.

“How parents respond often makes all the difference,” she said.

On the other hand, Ms Hong said teenagers who spend excessive amounts of time on their phones may want to ask themselves: “What is your screen time giving you, and what is it taking away?”

Some teenagers turn to screens as a coping mechanism.

They should think about what they need in real life, whether it is rest, connection or a sense of being valued.

Her advice for teenagers: “Your voice matters and learning to communicate honestly and calmly with your parents, while taking steps to care for yourself, can make a difference over time.”