How to reduce your child’s screen time without straining your relationship

SINGAPORE – I realised my mistake too late when I handed my son a mobile phone without restrictions or parental controls when he was 13 and in Secondary 1.

Not setting defined boundaries meant he was on his phone more often than I felt comfortable with.

Sleep time was pushed back, as he was still replying to messages way past his bedtime.

We had arguments about how much time he was spending on the phone. I felt he was overdoing it, while he felt that all his friends were doing the same thing and he was not the worst offender among them.

This was seven years ago, but I remember feeling helpless and at my wits’ end, realising how it was nearly impossible to dial back on unlimited screen time for a teenager after he had been given free access.

Fortuitously, his hand-me-down phone stopped working after several months and I decided not to replace it, leaving him without a mobile phone for nine months in Secondary 1.

During that period, I had many talks with him about phone use and shared with him my concerns while hearing his thoughts. I reminded myself that I needed to protect our relationship even as I tried to get him to see my point of view.

Through our sometimes heated discussions, we had a better understanding of each other’s viewpoints. What to me was inane chatter in message groups was seen as socialising to a teenager.

We came to a truce of sorts even though I did not immediately replace his mobile phone. Meanwhile, his good friend would help to relay reminders from school to my number.

It may sound harsh, but taking away the device did achieve the aim of getting him to be more mindful about his screen use when we handed him a mobile phone again when he was in Secondary 2. It also showed him that he could do without one.

Still, I’m not sure if that was the best way to handle it, or if there was a better way to do it.

With

guidelines for children’s screen time updated in 2025

, I approached experts to get their views on how best to do so while protecting the parent-child relationship.

Emphasise partnership and not a strict ban

Reducing a child’s screen time is a common challenge and can be difficult to navigate without creating friction, says Ms Kate Ofiaza, a senior social worker for Community Services and Programmes centre in Bedok under charity Singapore Children’s Society.

This is because having screen time curtailed may feel like a power struggle or even a personal loss to a child.

She suggests reducing screen time gradually, with empathy, open communication and a spirit of partnership, would work better than a sudden ban. “This helps preserve trust and encourages children to participate in setting healthy boundaries,” she says.

Start by explaining the reasons behind screen time limits. Help children understand the “why” behind the change to foster cooperation and make it not feel like a punishment, she says.

Set gradual limits rather than abrupt changes. Instead of moving from unlimited access to strict restrictions overnight, reduce screen time progressively to allow children time to adjust.

Offer meaningful alternatives. Encourage participation in offline activities such as sports, hobbies, creative play or family bonding time to replace screen use.

Involve your child in decision-making. Decide on rules for screen time together to promote ownership, accountability and mutual respect.

Be consistent yet flexible. Maintain clear boundaries while allowing for reasonable exceptions in special circumstances, for example, school projects or family events.

Model healthy digital habits. When parents and caregivers manage their own screen time mindfully, it reinforces the behaviour they wish to see in their children.

Ms Ofiaza cautions against punishing or shaming the child. Parents should try to frame screen time limits as an act of care and concern for the child’s well-being rather than a disciplinary measure.

Acknowledge and affirm when the child abides by the agreed boundaries because encouragement helps to build motivation and consistency, she says.

Another way is to establish screen-free zones and times, for instance, during meals and family outings, and in bedrooms, to promote presence, rest and connection.

Different approaches for different age groups

Parents can implement a hard stop for a five-year-old but not a 15-year-old, says Ms Christine Tan, senior case manager from the department of developmental psychiatry at the Institute of Mental Health.

For a child up to six years old, parents can remove devices and redirect to hands-on activities, says Ms June Yong, a family life specialist from charity Focus on the Family Singapore.

For a child in lower primary school or ages seven to nine, parents can use visual schedules and reward systems to reinforce new routines. Ms Tan suggests that parents offer alternative activities, such as board games, art and crafts, or cooking together.

For upper primary children, or those 10 to 12, help them understand why there is a need to reduce device time.

“Involve children when setting rules and give them facts using screen time trackers,” she says.

Ms Yong adds that parents can offer them choices within the boundaries to give them autonomy.

For secondary school students or those 13 to 16, engage them in open conversations about digital well-being, use apps to track usage together and set mutually agreed upon goals.

Ms Tan says this may be the most challenging group to manage. “Children at this age see themselves as mini adults. Parents should shift from control to helping their child with self-management.”

Ms Yong says it may help to acknowledge that change is hard and explain the reasons clearly. “If possible, make it a family-wide goal. Frame it as a household-wide effort to cultivate a healthier relationship with screens, not a punishment.”

While screen use can often end up being a point of contention between parents and children, hopefully, with clear boundaries and empathetic communication, more families can find a middle ground that works for them.