How to nurture a self-motivated child

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SINGAPORE – Imagine a child who takes responsibility for his or her own learning, needs little supervision, and tries to solve problems independently.

Or a young learner who sets his or her own goals instead of waiting for instructions, and does not give up when the work gets tough.

Having a child who is self-motivated and does not need to be nagged to do revision is a dream come true for exhausted parents.

It may be a tall order, but there are ways to consciously and consistently cultivate this quality.

There are many types of motivation, and understanding the differences will help parents bring out the best in their child.

Professor Liu Woon Chia, director of the National Institute of Education (NIE), has done extensive research on motivation. She says children have different temperaments and learning styles, so motivational strategies should be adapted accordingly.

For example, an anxious child may benefit from reassurance and less emphasis on results, while one who is easily distracted may respond better to structured routines and shorter study sessions.

On the other hand, children who resist studying may respond better when given more autonomy, such as choosing the order of subjects or selecting their preferred revision methods.

“Motivation is most effectively supported when parents understand their child’s individual needs while helping them develop a sense of ownership over their learning,” says Prof Liu, who is also co-founder of NIE’s Motivation in Educational Research Laboratory.

Different types of motivation

According to Self-Determination Theory, which looks at what drives people to take action and how they can achieve personal growth, there are three types of motivation – autonomous, controlled and amotivation.

Autonomous motivation includes intrinsic motivation, which refers to doing a task for personal satisfaction. It also includes doing a task for external reasons, because it is aligned with your values or goals.

A self-motivated child has autonomous motivation.

For example, not every topic in PSLE revision feels interesting, and memorising scientific facts is often perceived as dull or challenging, but a self-motivated child does it anyway.

“A child who recognises the importance of understanding the why or how of the world around them will invest the effort to learn these facts, not merely to perform well in the PSLE,” says Prof Liu.

When children cultivate this sense of ownership over their learning, they are more likely to persevere through difficulties.

In contrast, controlled motivation refers to doing a task primarily for rewards or to avoid punishment, with a child often feeling pressured to do so.

This could stem from parental demands or expectations.

Finally, amotivation refers to a lack of motivation, when children feel disengaged and disconnected from their learning.

Research-backed ways to nurture self-motivation

Research shows that children with self-motivation have three basic psychological needs that are met: competence, autonomy and relatedness.

Children need to feel competent, which means believing they can improve with effort.

Prof Liu says parents can cultivate a child’s sense of competence by encouraging him or her to set achievable learning goals and provide scaffolds.

It is also important to acknowledge progress, and help him or her learn from mistakes without judgment.

Second, children need to feel a sense of autonomy, which means having choice in their learning.

Parents can help by giving children a say in their revision process. This includes letting them choose their study environment – for instance, a quiet room, library or cafe – plan their study schedule, and pick their preferred methods of studying, such as flashcards, group study or online resources.

“This helps them feel more in control of their learning,” she says.

Third, children need relatedness, which means feeling supported and understood by their parents.

“When children feel emotionally safe, they are more willing to engage and try again after setbacks,” adds Prof Liu.

Parents can support their children by creating an open line of communication where they feel comfortable sharing their challenges and thoughts.

“Spending time studying with your child or being present while they study can also help them feel supported and less isolated during their preparation,” suggests Prof Liu.

This was what one parent did when her son sat the PSLE in 2024.

When mum-of-three Chrishirl Campos-Chua’s youngest son, Elliot Lee, now 14, was preparing for the PSLE, she decided to take up a course.

While she worked on her assignments for a Postgraduate Diploma in Psychotherapy and Counselling at local education and training facility The School of Positive Psychology, he focused on his revision.

“It was a demanding year for both of us, but I found that our study rhythms complemented each other,” says Ms Campos-Chua, 57. The psychotherapist and effective communication trainer is married to a pilot and they also have two older sons, aged 28 and 26.

“We gave each other space, yet there was a quiet companionship in learning side by side. That experience modelled resilience for him and showed that education is not just about passing exams, it is a lifelong pursuit,” she says.

Prof Liu notes that when the three needs of competence, autonomy and relatedness are met, children are more likely to internalise the importance of learning and develop autonomous motivation.

Crucially, they begin to see learning as something they choose to do rather than something imposed on them.

What can parents do to motivate their children?

Learning about the principles of Self-Determination Theory as part of her course guided Ms Campos-Chua as a parent.

During the hectic PSLE year, she made sure to offer encouragement and be present, and ensured that Elliot took breaks.

“We had a routine of work, play and meals as a family. Looking forward to playing outdoors was always fun. Getting to decide what to eat and cook also motivated him,” she says.

She reminded Elliot that doing well meant having options.

“By framing his successes as pathways to more choices, I helped him see learning as personally meaningful rather than merely imposed,” she adds.

Prof Liu says parents can support motivation by creating a structured but supportive learning environment at home.

For instance, parents can offer choices within clear boundaries, such as asking, “What strategy do you think might work for this question?” or “How would you like to approach this topic?”

This encourages children to think actively about their learning rather than waiting for instructions.

Having a regular revision routine, such as 45 minutes of study followed by a short break, helps make revision part of a daily habit.

Parents should also focus on process-based encouragement. Instead of praising only results, they can also acknowledge effort and strategies, such as saying, “I noticed you kept trying different ways to solve that question.”

Should you offer a reward for good results?

It is not uncommon for parents to offer a reward if a child does well in exams, but Prof Liu says rewards should be used carefully.

If children begin studying mainly to earn rewards, their motivation may shift towards controlled motivation, where they focus on obtaining rewards rather than on learning itself, she explains.

Instead of tying rewards directly to grades, she suggests parents focus on recognising effort and responsibility. For example, a family outing might celebrate a child’s consistent revision habits over several weeks.

“The key is to reinforce the idea that learning is valuable in itself, rather than something done purely to earn rewards,” she says.

Parents should also be careful not to compare their child with others, as this would undermine a child’s sense of autonomy or confidence and result in him or her feeling discouraged.

Another no-no is over-controlling revision by constantly monitoring or correcting every step.

“When children feel constantly monitored, they may comply in the short term, but lose their sense of ownership. Supporting children’s independence while providing guidance is often more effective in building long-term motivation,” says Prof Liu.

What can I do if my child is not motivated?

Children who are not motivated may not see any value or reason for their actions, and this can lead to feelings of helplessness or apathy.

Prof Liu says understanding amotivation is important so that parents can use strategies to enhance motivation and re-engage their children, by identifying barriers and fostering a sense of purpose or interest.

When a child is struggling academically, motivation often declines because they start believing they are incapable of improving.

Parents should focus on rebuilding confidence by setting small, achievable goals and helping children experience success step by step.

One way is to start with a smaller set of targeted questions to strengthen weak areas, instead of forcing a child to complete a full paper.

It is also important to identify whether the difficulty comes from gaps in foundation, ineffective study habits or exam anxiety.

“Encouraging the child with statements like ‘let’s improve gradually’ and tracking progress over time can help the child see that effort leads to improvement,” says Prof Liu.

As children experience small successes, they begin to see the connection between their effort and improvement.

This strengthens both their sense of competence and their willingness to take responsibility for learning.