Screen Timeout
Dr Becky the millennial parent whisperer on screen time and why parenting is the hardest job ever
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American clinical psychologist Rebecca Kennedy spoke to The Straits Times on the sidelines of the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, on Jan 21.
ST PHOTO: LIN SULING
- Dr Becky Kennedy warns that using screens as quick fixes hinders children from developing crucial skills to tolerate hard situations.
- She stresses the importance of allowing children to be bored, and having developmentally appropriate expectations of them.
- Dr Becky supports social media bans and government intervention, alongside boundaries set by parents.
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SINGAPORE - Busy parents may resort to quick fixes to get children to cooperate, such as giving them screens during meal times, but it can set kids up to struggle with tolerating hard situations later on, warns American clinical psychologist Rebecca Kennedy.
Screens give young kids instant satisfaction and dopamine without effort, and do little to help them learn patience, take on challenges, pay attention in school and tolerate frustration, said Dr Becky, as she is known to followers of her parenting advice.
She was speaking to The Straits Times on the sidelines of the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, on Jan 21.
“Parenting is the hardest job in the world,” Dr Becky said. “It’s harder than ever because the world is more hectic than ever, and so it’s never been more important to change the narrative about parenting.
“And so we’ve really set up parents to struggle even more in parenting than I think they need to, because we’ve been giving them the hardest job in the world without any training, resources or support.”
People have always been told that parenting comes naturally and there is a “maternal instinct”, she said, but parenting is a set of skills.
“Learning those skills doesn’t make parenting easy, but it can make something that feels impossible feel hard and more manageable.”
A mother of three, Dr Becky is a renowned American parenting expert, particularly among millennial parents, and the founder of Good Inside, a company that provides parents with resources and support.
Readers can listen to the full In Your Opinion podcast at str.sg/w7Qt
She acknowledged the difficulties that parents have in modelling good phone use behaviour, with many expected to attend to work and check their e-mails at home.
Parents today are also living busy, dopamine-filled lives, she said, so much so that they need their children to sit still for them to focus on work, when it is not developmentally appropriate for two-year-olds, for instance, to sit still.
Dr Becky said it is important to start by intentionally setting aside time, even for just a few minutes, to put away their phones and give attention to their kids.
“What parenting requires from us is slowing down, is patience, is tolerating our kids’ protests so they actually learn how to cope. And when we don’t have time for that, or our life is too busy, we all resort to quick fixes,” she said.
“But the irony is, the more we do those quick fixes, the more our kids tend to have problems going forward, because they’re actually not learning how to kind of tolerate hard situations, and so we almost set ourselves up for even more quick fixes in the future.”
What helps people succeed as they get older is learning to put in effort without instant gratification, and screens do the complete opposite, she said.
Dr Becky said children need to learn how to draw on inner inspiration rather than always rely on external entertainment, such as devices.
A core skill missing for kids, she said, is the ability to use their creativity to entertain themselves when they are bored, and accepting that there will not always be something available to entertain them.
Parents, therefore, have to strike a balance between finding enriching activities for their children and giving themselves permission to not fully pack their kids’ schedule, she said.
Instead of using screens to get children to stay quiet in a restaurant or a plane, Dr Becky suggested using these moments as teaching opportunities.
Parents can explain to a hungry child waiting in line why they need to wait, or, before a flight, help a child imagine what it will be like to sit still for a while, or invite them to squeeze a parent’s arm when they start to feel restless.
“Now, all of a sudden, my kid has something to do, instead of just expecting them to behave, without having skills or practice,” she said.
“I think we have to have developmentally appropriate expectations,” she said, citing the example of a hungry two-year-old made to wait in line for 40 minutes for a table, but lacking the emotional skills to avoid a meltdown.
“It’s a good kid having a hard time, not a bad kid being disrespectful,” she said, adding that the development of such skills takes time.
Dr Becky said she supports social media and phone bans around the world, and it is important to have government intervention and support alongside boundaries set by parents.
In December 2025, Australia imposed the world’s first social media ban on children under the age of 16
In Singapore, secondary school students have not been allowed to use smartphones and smartwatches
On how the current discourse on screen time can put people off having children, Dr Becky said: “I do think if we embrace that idea (that) I can get skills, I can get support, that makes the endeavour of parenting a little more desirable to take on.”
