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Finding purpose through challenges: Mother's special needs journey inspires a lifeline for caregivers
Drawing from her experience of raising two children with autism, the ex-doctor set up CaringSG, a non-profit dedicated to strengthening support for families like hers
Joining a support group reminded Dr Lim Hong Huay that every caregiver, including herself, is a person deserving of care.
PHOTO: SPH MEDIA
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When Dr Lim Hong Huay started CaringSG in 2020, she wanted to set up a support system for caregivers of people with special needs.
This courageous move was born from her own challenging journey as a mother. Dr Lim, 51, is a mother of three: Marianne, 20; Vivianne, 15; and Lucas, 13. And her eldest and youngest have autism.
She used to have an I-can-do-it-all mentality, admitting she used to work a lot. But when reality finally sunk in and she knew she could no longer handle managing her three children along with a demanding job as a doctor, she knew something had to give.
Wanting to be part of her children’s lives and attend to their special needs, the developmental and behavioural paediatrician stepped away from her career at KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital in 2017 to tend to her brood.
Adapting to change
As her children grew older, the family’s dynamics evolved too. The more direct and authoritative parenting approach she used in their early years to keep them safe no longer worked, and it became clear that she needed to change the way she related to them as they matured.
“It’s no longer what I want that is important, but rather, what they want and how I can support them,” she explains.
However, as she devoted herself completely to her children, her relationship with her husband, infectious diseases physician Dr Leong Hoe Nam, also suffered.
Overwhelmed, she decided to join a support group. However, instead of receiving support, she found herself trying to attend to other members who would seek her advice when they discovered she was a doctor.
Dr Lim was touched when the group’s leader reminded everyone that she, too, is a mother, and that every caregiver is a person. From that moment on, she came to understand the importance of treasuring her own personhood.
“I had lost myself to serving as a mother, and I needed to build myself up so that I’d be able to love my children better. If I was so unhappy with myself, how was I going to make my family happy? We can only love others if we love ourselves,” she shares.
Watch this video to learn more about why Dr Lim started non-profit organisation CaringSG:
Caregivers supporting caregivers
That lesson became a turning point for Dr Lim who decided to help other families with similar challenges. She founded CaringSG, a non-profit initiative to support caregivers of persons with special needs, four years ago.
- CAREbuddy pairs trained caregiving volunteers with other caregivers for support.
- CAREconnect provides emotional support, connections and resources through webinars and events.
- CAREwell connects caregivers with trained professionals to create a family support plan.
“What drives me are the caregivers of special needs children. Despite the challenges and discrimination, they rise above them and do whatever they can to better the future for their children and families,” she says.
“With community effort, I believe that Singapore can become more caring and inclusive – that’s why CaringSG was started.”
In the past year, the organisation has engaged some 6,000 participants in webinars and events, established 260 touch points with over 250 volunteers, co-organised three national carnivals, hosted conferences, and participated in the Purple Parade, an annual gathering that celebrates the abilities of people with disabilities.
Dr Lim’s own family has become an integral part of her mission to help others too.
She shares: “My eldest daughter, Marianne, is involved in the Purple Symphony Choir. The kids also help out at Purple Parade events every year, as much as they can.”
Becoming a stronger family
Strong commitment, effective communication and remarkable courage are qualities that help strengthen a family.
“Love is a choice that I make to be with you, no matter what you do or what you can give me. This commitment is why my family has been able to weather our ups and downs,” reveals Dr Lim.
She’s also learnt to take better care of her marital relationship. “I realised that looking after your family is also about looking after your relationship with your spouse, because the best gift you can give to your children is a happy marriage,” she says.
When miscommunication brings unhappiness, she finds that a dose of patience, forgiveness, respect or humour help to keep the peace.
While what works for one family may not work for another, Dr Lim believes in having the courage to move forward when a situation crops up at home. It reflects the same courage that drove her to start CaringSG, all in the name of love and support.
“Never mind mistakes, because we can learn from them. Just be brave and try,” she says.
Dr Lim also believes that being courageous to try something new can uplift loved ones, recalling the time when her husband picked up cycling at age 50 to share in her passion for it.
She says: “That’s what I mean by being courageous for one another.”
This article was first published on herworld.com as part of the Her World, Her Spark series.
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