10 hacks for common parenting struggles

SINGAPORE – Parents, are you fed up with your bright-eyed toddler demanding his 12th reading of The Gruffalo – with voices, please – at 11pm? Are you resigned to your pre-schooler never knowingly eating anything with a leaf or your tween preferring to bond with her phone rather than her family?

Chin up, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Here are 10 creative hacks for common struggles that worked for some parents interviewed by The Straits Times.

1. How to get anywhere on time

Church worker Jerrold Hong and his wife, teacher Rachel Lim, both 36, have two children – Zechariah, seven, and Esther, four.

Mr Hong says: “Sometimes when we have to be somewhere at a certain time, and the children are dragging their feet, I’ll say, ‘let’s race to the car’. Injecting some competition can make things a bit more joyful and get them moving faster from the lift to the carpark.

“We routinely play board games as a family. So, when I coax the kids through play, it’s already based on the playful bond we have cultivated with them regularly.”

2. How to get a child to go to bed

Mr Hong says: “When they were younger and couldn’t get to sleep, I thought about what makes me relax and massage came to mind.

“From the time they were babies around eight months old, I would gently stroke the bridge of their nose or eyelids. I would move on to lightly tapping their thumbs and near their ears, and eventually massaging their calves and softly pressing the tips of their fingers and their palm.

“When I was a child, soft tapping sounds were soothing for me. A core memory of mine was hearing my dad tapping an old-school Casio calculator. I was in my room and I remember feeling very relaxed.

“I used to unscrew and twist around the cap of a small container of Vicks (a cough suppressant ointment). The sound was barely audible, but my son found it soothing. I didn’t know it, but I was using ASMR (an autonomous sensory meridian response, where certain sounds evoke a sensation of well-being).”

3. How to deal with minor scrapes

Mr Hong says: “When the children hurt themselves, the first thing I say to them is, ‘Where’s the pain?’ This seems to help them shift from the immediate feeling of pain into thinking mode, giving them a chance to calm down. Not only does it allow me to show care for them, but it also allows them to assess the situation and think, ‘I can manage this.’”

4. How to get a child to finish her food

He says: “When Esther was around two, she used to keep food in her mouth for a long time without swallowing. I was racking my brain for a solution until I thought, why not turn it into a task? I asked her to say ‘aaah’ and show me there was nothing inside her mouth.

“She feels accomplished when she does a task well. It goes back to knowing your child’s personality.”

5. How to get a picky eater to eat vegetables

Ms Suliyati Berori, 38, and Mr Muhammad Abu Sufian Hanafi, 41, have three children: Maryam, 14; Nuuryn, 10; and one-year-old Idrys. The couple are co-founders of MuslimParents.SG, an Islamic enrichment centre providing services such as weekend enrichment classes, sexuality education workshops and parenting workshops.

Ms Suliyati says: “As toddlers, to encourage them to eat vegetables, I would feed them with my hand first, putting the vegetables under the meat, and adding more meat than greens. After feeding them two or three mouthfuls this way, they would then feed themselves. They liked it when I fed them and didn’t seem to mind consuming leafy greens like cai xin this way.

“I would also sometimes distract them during mealtimes and sing a song.”

6. How to wake a child

Ms Suliyati says: “Sometimes it was hard to wake my second child in time for school. I wouldn’t tell her ‘wake up, wake up!’ Instead, I used her love language, which is physical touch.

“Because she likes physical expressions of affection, I would pull her up gently by the arms, hug her for a minute and say ‘love you’ to wake her up.”

7. How to tackle the post-school slump

Ms Siti Fatimah Surani, 37, a freelance educator for Islamic studies, and her husband, public servant Muhammad Fakhrur Radzi Mohd Noor, 38, have three children: sons Mehmed, 11; and Fethan, five; and daughter Fetiha, eight.

Ms Fatimah says: “Sometimes, children display irritable behaviour when they’re tired, like when the older kids come back from school at 4pm. Don’t rush to discipline them. Make sure their basic needs are fulfilled. Check if they are hungry, thirsty or worn out, and address those issues first.”

8. How to stick to a screen-time limit

Ms Fatimah says: “It’s important for us to set limits for screen time, as well as be aware of the content our children watch. For instance, our elder son and daughter are allowed to play Minecraft and Roblox, and get around 30 to 45 minutes of screen time daily. Our youngest gets supervised access to a children’s app for 15 or 30 minutes a day. I don’t allow YouTube, as sometimes I don’t find the content appropriate.

“We use a timer for all of them, which sounds an alarm when the time is up. It’s like recess time – they’re used to a bell ringing as a cue to stop an activity or move on to the next thing.

“It’s important as parents to enforce these limits, especially for the first few months. When it becomes a habit, I no longer have to remind them when it’s time to stop.”

9. How to avoid screen time for a young child

Mr Aaron Ng, chief of growth at the charity Focus on the Family Singapore, and his pre-school educator wife, 44, have a three-year-old son, Caleb.

Mr Ng says: “The only television that Caleb has ever watched was the Red Lions parachuting segment in the National Day Parade 2025. Before he was born, we decided that we would parent our child with as little screen time as possible.

“Instead, we engage with him as much as possible in conversation, and ask him to greet people we meet. We play games like ‘I Spy’ on bus journeys, for example. Such observation games probably sharpen his awareness of the world around him. We once spotted a pair of sandals under a seat in a hawker centre.

“My wife and I have been geocaching as a couple since 2011. We thought, why don’t we introduce this to our son?”

Geocaching is a global treasure-hunting activity where participants use Global Positioning System (GPS) devices and navigation skills to find hidden containers, known as geocaches, which typically contain small items like a trinket or toy.

He adds: “Since November 2024, we’ve found at least 18 geocaches as a family. Similar to how screen time gives kids and adults a satisfying dopamine hit, geocaching is a means to get dopamine in a healthy way.

“When we find the geocache, we do a high-five and take photos to celebrate. It gives him a natural happy pill. There are times when we are unable to find a geocache, which gives me a chance to help him build resilience.”

10. How to communicate better with adolescents

Ms Rahayu Ahmad Asi, 48, is an educator and parenting coach, and the co-founder of Ibu Sepanjang Hayat (ISH), a group for Malay/Muslim mothers that complements the Mums for Life movement in Singapore. Married to a 49-year-old teacher, she has five children aged 21, 20, 17, 15 and nine.

Ms Rahayu says: “A lot of parents tell me that once their child is a teenager, he or she does not share about his or her life with them.

“When my second child was 14, she burst out at me, ‘You are not sensitive to my emotions. You only ask about my studies.’

“Don’t ask them, ‘How was school? Do you have homework?’ Ask other, specific questions. Observe their expressions and emotions.

“I’ve learnt to listen more, and to listen fully. Most importantly, I’ve learnt not to judge whatever they want to tell me. I’ve learnt to give my children space. Now, they pour out their thoughts to me.”