Parenting seminars spur mum of 4 to use apps to manage kids’ screen time, reward good behaviour

SINGAPORE - After she installed apps to monitor her children’s phone usage and reward them for finishing tasks, Ms Siti Norhidayah found that they became more motivated to complete their homework and household chores.

The mother of four children aged four, 10, 14 and 16 had signed up for parenting seminars and consultation sessions when her older son became rebellious after entering secondary school last year.

“When I asked him how school was, he would give one-word answers. I wanted him to open up more,” she said.

Some 60,000 people have participated in the free parenting seminars, which are part of the Families for Life Council’s efforts to strengthen families. The council leads the Ministry of Social and Family Development’s (MSF) Families for Life movement, started in 2014.

The council announced on Thursday the upcoming National Family Week from June 3 to 11. Organised together with the People’s Association and ActiveSG, the week will include a series of mainstream and inclusive sports activities, and talks on marriage and parenting, as well as a panel discussion on flexible work arrangements. Family activities such as Lego robotics, drone flying and outdoor adventures are also in the line-up.

Ms Siti told The Straits Times that she learnt about how behavioural contracts – or commitments to adopt specific actions – can encourage appropriate behaviour in children.

This inspired her to install the Google Family Link app to limit her children’s screen time to three hours each day.

“They got used to it over time. When I once gave my son four hours instead of three, he asked me to set it back to three hours as he wants to control himself,” she said.

When their screen time is up, she also takes a gentler approach to reminding them. “If he is playing mobile games in his room, I’ll ask ‘How long do you need?’ and he will tell me ‘15 minutes’. In this way, I give him freedom of choice and control over his time, instead of forcing him (to stop playing).”

To improve communication with her son, she also showed interest in his hobby, football, making it a point to watch matches with him.

“After a while, he would automatically tell me how his day went without me asking,” she said.

When he acts up, she will speak to him calmly to de-escalate the situation.

“When he’s not having a good day and I ask him to do something, he’ll be like ‘what’. Instead of snapping, I’ll say, ‘Am I your friend? I’m your mother,’” she said. “My kids can treat me like a friend but they need to respect me as a parent too.”

She also installed the OurHome app to assign chores to her children. They can accumulate points to get rewards such as a movie or ice cream. Penalties include less screen time or earlier bedtime.  

“They get excited reminding each other, the younger ones especially, they like to say the words ‘break contract’,” she said with a smile.

Madam Margaret von Ronk, 68, signed up for the Families for Life grandparenting seminars, hoping to learn how to encourage her shy eight-year-old granddaughter to come out of her shell.

About 400 grandparents have attended this seminar series since it was launched in 2022.

“Sometimes, grandparents forget their role is to support the parents in building a loving, safe environment for their grandkids,” she said.

“They should be on the parents’ team and respect the house rules, giving them due authority to make decisions on discipline and education. They need to trust that the parents know what’s best for their child.”

She bonds with her granddaughter over the latter’s interests, such as taking selfies with augmented reality filters and playing games on her mobile phone.

She is also teaching the child pickleball and five stones, which are games from her childhood.

The important thing is to listen and encourage sharing, she said.

Mr Ishak Ismail, chairman of the Families for Life Council, said: “Parents tend to think they know, but the context, challenges and stresses have changed. For example, while the parents may have gone through PSLE too, how it’s being taught is very different now.”

He gave the example of how some parents are against gaming. “But what if gaming is part of what children need to develop their brains?”

He added that the parenting programmes are for all parents, whether or not they are facing challenges, as they focus on developing the emotional and social well-being of children.

“It’s not about how well they do in school, but how well they manage stresses, that (helps them) grow into valued members of the community.”