Grooming, self-blame and fear: Why cases stay buried for years

Many intra-familial sexual abuse cases can stay hidden for years because victims may not know they are being abused or are afraid to get their abusers in trouble.

In a 2003 review by the Institute of Mental Health (IMH) on 38 local child sexual abuse cases, 16 victims told someone about the abuse within a week, and 15 made the disclosure in one to eight months.

But seven children delayed disclosure for one year or more.

Association of Women for Action and Research's (Aware) head of research and advocacy, Ms Shailey Hingorani, said victims of intra-familial sexual abuse may not recognise they have been abused.

This is especially if the perpetrator had established trust by lavishing gifts and attention on a young victim before gradually escalating his actions to abuse.

She said: "This process is designed to confuse the victim into not recognising abuse for what it is, or feeling complicit in the acts and therefore responsible for them."

She said that even if victims understand they have been abused, many fear they will not be believed.

Said Ms Hingorani: "Fear of not being believed is the No. 1 reason given to Aware's Sexual Assault Care Centre by survivors (of all kinds of sexual violence) for why they do not want to disclose their experiences to officials."

In cases where the victim is young and the perpetrator is known to the family, listeners often react by blaming the child and dismissing the child's experiences.

"It can be very hard for even loving parents to accept that their spouses or relatives could be abusers," Ms Hingorani said.

In the case of intra-familial sexual abuse, a victim may feel protective towards both the abuser and other family members.

Said Ms Hingorani: "They may worry about the perpetrator being taken away if they report the abuse, which would likely be hugely disruptive to the family unit, especially if the perpetrator is a breadwinner."

Ms Nurul Nadiah Mohamed Noor, manager of the Ministry of Social and Family Development's child protection investigation team, said some victims blame themselves for splitting up the family after speaking out about the abuse. "There have been instances where children denied or changed their accounts in hopes that things would go back to the way they were," she said.

Dr Daniel Fung, chief executive of IMH, said it can be more difficult for victims to grapple with the abuse if the perpetrator is a family member, as opposed to a stranger.

He said: "Victims can paint a stranger as a bad person, but it's very different when the perpetrator is their mother or father. They can't not love them."

Trauma can lead to long-term effects on mental health, including depression, post-traumatic stress disorder and sexuality issues where the individual becomes hyper-sexualised or frigid.

Dr Fung said there can be "transgenerational transmission" of child sexual abuse, where victims become perpetrators if they do not seek treatment for their trauma.

"If sexuality becomes a subject they avoid, they may not be able to develop a good relationship and may choose to use sex as a tool for control," he said.

Dr Fung said victims of sexual abuse could show inappropriate sexualised behaviour, such as playing with their private parts in public or kissing their classmates.

He added that they could also become secretive or show signs of fear, like having nightmares and wetting their beds.

Ms Nadiah said a victim could be getting unusually close to a family member and meeting him secretly.

But Dr Fung said it can be hard to tell if a child has been sexually abused just based on these signs, as they could arise from other factors such as stress, for instance.

"On top of supervising them closely, it's good for parents to check in with their children if they spot any behavioural changes," he said.