The Usual Place Podcast

Facing death: Millennials are getting their end-of-life affairs in order

We meet three millennials who feature on Let’s Talk About Death, a new docuseries by The Straits Times

Natasha Ann Zachariah

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SINGAPORE – When she turned 16, G. Kethlyn Gayatiri marked her birthday not by reflecting on coming of age or approaching adulthood but by planning her own funeral.

Having experienced the passing of older family members as a child, Kethlyn was curious about funeral preparations that often take place out of sight.

“Most of the time, when you ask your family members, they will say: ‘Eh, very pantang. Don’t ask or talk about it unless you are inviting death,’” said Kethlyn, who is now 32.

Pantang means “taboo” in Malay.

The freelance educator added: “So, where do you find the answers? I mean, you can obviously Google it....but it doesn’t really give you the answers that you’re looking for.

“The best thing is to go through the entire (planning) process yourself and get the answers.”

Kethlyn, along with counselling psychologist Ho Hui Sze, 30, and financial adviser Muhammad Alif, 28, came on The Usual Place podcast to talk with me about confronting mortality and what changed their perspectives on death.

These three millennials feature on

Let’s Talk About Death

, a five-episode docuseries by The Straits Times that premiered on Oct 23.

From choosing a casket to protecting their passwords for their online accounts, each of them explored different aspects of end-of-life planning and dying well.

In Episode 1,

former Paralympian swimmer Theresa Goh explores eco-friendly funeral options

and finds out how memorial rings are made.

Kethlyn is featured

in Episode 2, along with her mother Irene Koh, 64, where they learn about end-of-life preparations

such as deciding who her mother’s caregiver would be in her final days and options for handling her remains.

In Episode 4, Alif and his wife, Liyana Syahirah Ismail Johari, 27, go about customising their wills using AI tools, and learn how to hand over ownership of their social content and password management solutions.

As content creators, they are concerned about what happens to their digital footprint and estate when they pass on.

In Episode 5, Hui Sze memorialises her own bedroom and picks out several items that are special to her to be on liveful, a Singapore start-up that has an app which allows users to capture memories of their loved ones through a virtual 3D space.

Besides the digital memorial, Hui Sze also hosts her own podcast Being With Grief. She also took part in Death Over Dinner, a non-profit event, where she opened up about loss and grief with others.

On ST’s The Usual Place, I got the trio to be candid about what deaths means to them now, after they delved into the topic while participating in the documentary.

Having lost her father and grandmother, Hui Sze said that she has “suffered from the pain of death and also enjoyed the gifts of grief” as it has led her to reflect on and confront things in her own life.

She said she now lives in the present moment a lot more.

“I cannot be more grateful for that because if not, I don’t think I (would be) living life as intentionally as I can,” explained Hui Sze, who added that she has mixed feelings about death.

For Alif, being diagnosed with Stage 3 muscle cancer at the age of 10 was an early encounter with mortality. He had to undergo nearly 10 cycles of chemotherapy and nine surgeries.

Looking back on that time in his life, when his school year was disrupted, he said that having cancer had a strong impact on his outlook on life, making him bolder and teaching him to appreciate things happening in the moment.”

“Whenever I face problems or go through a hard situation, I think to myself, if I could go through cancer at 10 years old, I can do anything,” he added.

But there is one thing he still struggles with: Processing that period in his life with his mother, who was his primary caregiver during his illness.

While he believes that it is an important conversation to have, neither of them is ready to discuss it. As he said: “If I were to talk about death with my mum, I think (after) one sentence, we’ll both start crying.”

During our podcast discussion, I was also curious to find out if making plans now for when they die, has made them think differently about living.

Kethlyn shared something her mother always says to her: “You eat today and die tomorrow, so whatever you want, make decisions now and don’t regret it.”

Reflecting on that, she said: “I want to live every single day to the best of my ability so that I don’t live with regret.”

If you’re young, are you thinking about planning in advance for your funeral? Write to me at

natashaz@sph.com.sg

or DM me on Instagram to tell me what you think.

You can follow Alif and Liyana (

@financewithliyandlif

), and Hui Sze (

@beingwith.grief

) on Instagram.

I’ll see you next time at The Usual Place, Nat

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Host: Natasha Zachariah (

natashaz@sph.com.sg