The Usual Place Podcast

Confronting suicide: The conversations we need

What are the conversations we need when confronting suicide?

Natasha Ann Zachariah

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SINGAPORE - As one reads Project Hayat, a 160-page white paper report outlining a national suicide prevention strategy for Singapore, the statistics hit hard.

In Singapore, suicide was the leading cause of death for persons aged between 10 and 29 for five consecutive years, from 2019 to 2023. It accounted for about 30 per cent of all deaths within this age group in 2023, according to Samaritans of Singapore (SOS).

The ray of light in these grim numbers was

a 32.4 per cent drop in the number of suicides in 2023 from 2022,

when there were 476 suicides – the highest number since SOS began recording suicide data in 2000.

The Project Hayat White Paper

was launched in conjunction with World Suicide Prevention Day on Sept 10 by advocacy group SG Mental Health Matters,

founded by former Nominated MP Anthea Ong. “Hayat” means life in Malay, and the project is the first study on suicide prevention in Singapore.

The stigma and shame attached to suicide hinder the open conversations that need to happen so that those who are thinking about suicide or have been affected by it can get help.

Why does it still exist? Why don’t we talk about suicide as much as we do about mental health?

To get some answers, I hosted Dr Rayner Tan, 35, co-lead and research lead for Project Hayat, and SOS counsellor Shantini Sathiyanesan, 38, in the latest podcast episode of The Usual Place.

They shared about cultural norms around suicide, what people are worried about saying to people with suicidal thoughts, and how to look out for someone who may be at risk.

Dr Tan, who is an assistant professor at the Saw Swee Hock School of Public Health at the National University of Singapore, pointed out that one in 13 adults in Singapore had thought about suicide at some point in their lives. This figure was released by the Institute of Mental Health (IMH) in 2021.

“What is stigma? It’s this mark on a person that makes them ‘less than’, a discounted person,” said Dr Tan.

Project Hayat’s co-lead and assistant professor at the Saw Swee Hock School of Public Health Dr Rayner Tan unpacks the stigma surrounding suicide and why society should make space for people to talk about it.
ST PHOTO: KEVIN LIM

“But the thought of suicide is something that so many people go through,” he said, highlighting the IMH statistic. “I think we just don’t talk about it enough in a way that allows people to think about these things, like asking the suicide question or even to come out and say that (they) ever had suicidal ideation.”

Ms Shantini who shared her own experiences with suicidality on the show, said that people still “tip-toe” around talking about suicide.

“Many times it’s out of the fear. They are worried (because) they don’t know what to do or that they’re going to make the situation worse.

“These are misinterpretations. The silence and avoidance makes the stigma even stronger, because the person who is struggling feels like they are not heard or supported.” said Ms Shantini.

Over a period of two years, this high-flyer with a vibrant social life felt the world crashing down on her as she experienced one crisis after another.

Samaritans of Singapore counsellor Shantini Sathiyanesan opens up about how she has become a “wounded healer” following her experience with suicidality, to become a beacon of light and support for others.
ST PHOTO: KEVIN LIM

“That’s when I struggled with suicidal thoughts. I felt like I was a burden... felt like my life had no purpose,” said Ms Shantini. During that period, her grandmother died and she called her engagement called off, among other issues, as she described in detail in the podcast.

What kept her going were simple acts of kindness from friends, colleagues and even strangers, who did not judge her as she was going through a dark season.

She calls herself a “wounded healer” now, as she has moved from a place of feeling lost to becoming a beacon of light and support for others.

She said it’s important to ask someone the “suicide question” if you see them struggling – in a low mood or has poor appetite, for example – or making statements like “I’m better off dead” or “Nobody loves me”.

In short, tell them you are concerned about them and ask if they are contemplating taking their life.

A 2024 Save.Me Study by Singapore Management University found that only one in three people would do something to help someone who is suicidal.

For every two in three persons who would not support and save someone who is in a crisis or suicidal, more than 70 per cent cite their fear of making the suicidal person feel worse, their lack of ability to do anything, and their lack of knowledge.

“There’s this misconception that if I ask this, it’s going to plant the thought in their head or it’s going to make them do it,” Ms Shantini explained. “But it’s actually the opposite – you’re giving them an opportunity to talk about it, and that itself is so freeing.”

Dr Tan said you don’t have to be a counsellor or a psychologist to help someone who talks about suicide. Talk to them about the help resources that are available, because sometimes they might not know where to start, he added.

As Ms Shantini said: “At SOS, we always say this – suicide prevention is everyone’s business. It’s not just (a matter for) certain stakeholders. With the different hats that you wear, you can make that difference. It’s the small gestures and things that you can do for someone.”

What are some ways you think we, as a community in Singapore, can reduce the stigma around suicide and mental health? Write to me at

natashaz@sph.com.sg

or DM me on Instagram.

I’ll see you next time at The Usual Place,

Nat
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