Domestic violence survivor wins Exemplary Mother Award

SINGAPORE - When she got married in her early 20s, Madam Pandithurai Parimala did not expect that her husband would ever lay a finger on her. But he did.

Over 17 years of marriage, she suffered at his hands, including when she was pregnant with three of her seven children.

As a result, these three children suffer from congenital development issues. All her kids are between 11 and 17 years old.

The last straw for Madam Parimala was when her husband slapped her and two of their children in 2018. At that time, he grabbed a samurai knife and threatened to attack them.

"That's when I stepped up. I called the police, they came and handcuffed him," said Madam Parimala, who now works as an operations support officer at a junior college.

On Saturday (Aug 20), Madam Parimala won this year's Exemplary Mother Award (EMA), which is given annually by Muslim non-profit organisation Jamiyah Singapore to a mother who has shown resilience in overcoming life's challenges.

She was chosen among five nominees by a panel of judges. 

Madam Parimala received her award in a ceremony at the Swissotel The Stamford from President Halimah Yacob, and walked away with a cash prize of $6,000 and a trophy.

"It's not about winning, but about sharing my experience. And it's not only me. There are more people who... haven't come out from the darkness," she said.

After the incident in 2018, she left her husband's home and bought a two-room flat to live with her children. Madam Parimala is currently filing for divorce.

Madam Parimala participates in Sree Narayana Mission’s Smile With You programme for skill development and uses the knowledge gained to earn additional income from doing home-based business. She also gives back to society by preparing meals and delivering them to needy residents during festive seasons. 

At the ceremony, Madam Halimah also handed out an award to Madam Shereen Aziz-Williams, the winner of this year's Exemplary Young Mother Award (EYMA).

There were three nominees for the award, which is given to mothers below 40 years old and rewards their entrepreneurial spirit, hard work, determination and contributions to the community.

The 39-year-old Singaporean moved to Wales in the UK, after marrying her Welsh husband in 2005.

As a mother of two sons aged eight and 13, Madam Shereen, who works as a civil servant, is able to balance her career with active involvement in many voluntary organisations in the UK, where she holds many key positions.

For example, Madam Shereen is a school governor at two Welsh primary schools, overseeing their strategic functions.

She is also an activist who speaks against domestic violence against women in Wales.

"The more time you spend in the community, the more you learn about the issues they have, and you think about what kind of expertise you can contribute," said Madam Shereen, adding that she was able to assist women who are victims of domestic violence by providing support and advice to help them access services such as housing.

For her contributions in the UK, she was honoured with the Member of the Order of the British Empire award in 2017 for community service from the Queen and the British Government.

Even though she is based in Wales, she has also participated in numerous events here.

For example, in 2019, Madam Shereen participated at the Young Leaders Programme at the International Conference on Cohesive Societies, organised by the S. Rajaratnam School of International Studies at Nanyang Technological University with the support of the Ministry of Culture, Community and Youth.

"I have received awards, but never before from Singapore. It's always been in the UK, so for me; it's just really lovely to receive something from my home country," said Madam Shereen.

At the event, Madam Halimah said while caregiving by definition is not gender-specific, the role has in practice fallen mostly on women because of social norms here.

She also noted that caregiving work tends to be undervalued, partly because of the expectation that it should be done out of love.

"While it is true that a mother's love undergirds caring for her child, society must also recognise that caregiving entails commitment and sacrifice. Many caregivers worry about finances, in addition to having to endure physical and mental toll," said Madam Halimah.

The EMA and EYMA 11-member panel of judges was chaired by senior vice-president of Banyan Tree Holdings Claire Huang. Senior Minister of State for Foreign Affairs and National Development Sim Ann is  adviser to the panel.