Childhood sweethearts among 220 couples honoured at Golden Jubilee celebrations

SINGAPORE - They are childhood sweethearts and each other's first loves - and this year, they celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary.

Mr Goh Khon Chong and Madam Lim Gek Lee, both 73, used to live in the same lane in Kampong Chia Heng in Novena.

He used to play with her brother and knew her since they were in their early teens.

Mr Goh and Madam Lim both loved sports and watching basketball games. Over time, they fell in love.

They started dating at the age of 19 and registered their marriage four years later in August 1971.

The secret behind their long and happy union? Give and take, said the couple.

Mr Goh, a retired human resources consultant, said in Mandarin: "If you keep taking and do not give, the other party will give up and collapse one day."

Madam Lim, a housewife, said they do not let their arguments or anger fester, which is key in keeping their relationship strong.

She said in Mandarin: "He always explains why he acted in a certain way if we disagree or I'm angry. We don't let the anger fester overnight. Besides, he always gives in to me."

He added: "You have to support each other and practise tolerance. Don't be too stubborn, and give way when you can't agree."

As a Justice of the Peace, Mr Goh solemnises marriages. "I always tell couples that to give and take is the way to maintaining a happy marriage," he said.

He and his wife are one of 220 couples who have been married for at least 50 years, being honoured for their strong and committed marriages at the Golden Jubilee Wedding Celebrations.The initiative, which was started in 2018, is organised by the Registry of Marriages (ROM) and the Registry of Muslim Marriages.

Among this year's couples is a pair who have been together for 70 years - they held their customary marriage in 1951.

All the couples will receive a package this month which includes a commemorative medallion, a commemorative certificate signed by President Halimah Yacob and a photo memento.

Mr Goh credits his wife for taking good care of the family, thus allowing him to focus on his career and community service.

He is a long-time grassroots leader and honorary chairman of the MacPherson Citizens' Consultative Committee.

He described Madam Lim as a virtuous and capable wife who took care of the children and managed the household finances prudently, especially when money was tight in the early years of their marriage.

The couple have two sons in their 40s and four grandchildren, and live with their elder son's family.

Madam Lim said that after spending a whole lifetime together, she and her husband often know what each other is thinking, even before he or she articulates it. She described them as kindred spirits.

Since Mr Goh's retirement, they have spent a lot more time together, going to the market and taking walks after dinner.
She said: "He has a caring heart and he is very honest."

Even after 50 years of marriage, the Mehtas are the best of friends.

Mr Kirtikar Mehta, 80, said of his 74-year-old wife, Dr Kalyani Mehta: "We confide in each other. After all these years, we still care very much for each other."

The secret to their long and happy union?

Being a supportive spouse is one. Communicating and showing respect to each other is another ingredient in their recipe for love.

The two were introduced to each other by Mr Mehta's cousin at a Deepavali gathering.

Mr Mehta was then almost 30, armed with a master's degree in physics from the University of Surrey and had recently returned to Singapore after his studies and work in the United Kingdom.

Dr Mehta was then studying social work and sociology at the National University of Singapore (NUS).

They found they could communicate on the "same wavelength" and shared similar interests and values. Both are from the Gujarati community.

Dr Mehta, a retired professor and former Nominated Member of Parliament, recalled that her husband would bring her a stalk of rose on each date - and she was convinced he was "Mr Right" after a few dates.

"He is very patient and open to listening. We have compatible personalities."

They dated for eight months before they tied the knot in June 1971. They have two daughters, aged 45 and 46, and four granddaughters.

They lived with Mr Mehta's late parents after marriage.

Dr Mehta, who was then working part-time as a school social worker after marriage, said: "His parents were more on the traditional side. They were not used to a daughter-in-law who worked, as women in their generation did not work. But my husband always supported me in my career."

She stopped work after she became pregnant with her first child. When her children were in kindergarten, she started pursuing a master's degree in social sciences. She later attained a PhD in the same field.

Dr Mehta spent the bulk of her career teaching social work, first at NUS and later at the Singapore University of the Social Sciences (SUSS). She retired as professor of social work and gerontology at the SUSS last year.

Mr Mehta said they gave each other the space to "do their own thing" and pursue their dreams. He pointed out that some husbands may be jealous that their wife has a more illustrious career, but not him.

Mr Mehta, who trained as an electrical engineer but retired as a currency trader, said: "The more she achieves, the prouder I am of her.

"In marriages, you often have one spouse dominate over the other and there's conflict. In our case, we listen to each other and we discuss. I'm not the traditional husband who is more domineering."

The couple cared for Mr Mehta's parents, together with their domestic worker, until they died.

They supported each other through the caregiving duties. Still, it was especially hard for Mr Mehta, who was very close to his dad.

Dr Mehta said: "For couples to stay so long together, we need that kind of assurance that if I'm down, there is at least one person whom I can confide in and he will understand."

While no marriage is without conflict, the Mehtas always manage to find a compromise or come to an agreement when they disagree.

For instance, he wanted to send their daughters overseas for their university education, but Dr Mehta was worried about their safety. In the end, she relented as both girls wanted to study in the United Kingdom.

Mr Mehta said: "We talk, we compromise and we move on."

It helps that both of them do not have "huge egos", Dr Mehta said, adding that she appreciates her husband's sense of humour.

"When couples are locked in a quarrel, it's always because of their ego. They take a position and they can't move from their position," she said. "But we talk it out and we never put each other down. This gives the other person a sense of respect."

As a Justice of the Peace for eight years, Dr Mehta advises couples whose marriages she solemnises: "I tell them that in Asian families, a marriage is not only between two people but two families.

"I tell them that marriage is like a roller-coaster ride, there are ups and downs. And your marriage can only be successful if you work at it."