World Cup in Trumpland: Brace yourself for ‘what just happened?’ moments

How does one even react? An ally of US President Donald Trump this week casually suggested that Italy should simply be gifted Iran’s spot in the World Cup, after the Italians failed to qualify for the tournament.

Mr Paolo Zampolli, a long-time friend of Mr Trump and US special envoy for global partnerships, told media outlets that having an at-war Iran at the tournament was inappropriate and that having Italy instead would be “good for everybody”.

Any serious football fan would have scoffed reading this, then sworn off the World Cup altogether if such a swop were somehow allowed to happen.

The great Italy – the footballing temple of Roberto Baggio, Paolo Maldini, Fabio Cannavaro and Andrea Pirlo (sorry, elders, my football knowledge does not go much further back) – does not need alms. Least of all from the Americans.

It is, of course, inexplicable that the four-time champions have now missed three consecutive World Cups. But how to fix that is their own painful meditation to do. They should not stroll through a side entrance and steal the hard-earned berth Iran won to be among the final 48 when the tournament kicks off in June.

Italian officials have made that much clear, stating that the proposal was shameful. Even US Secretary of State Marco Rubio distanced Washington from the idea that Iran will be barred from playing. “Nothing from the US has told them they can’t come,” he told reporters.

What is worth mulling over, though, is what this episode says about the World Cup now under seven weeks away. Mr Zampolli’s from-the-hip remarks are surely an appetiser for the chaotic, disorientating circus we are about to enter.

Football fans, the vast majority of whom will be watching on their TVs or streaming devices, have very serious things to worry about in the coming weeks. As we painstakingly put together our office brackets, we must scrutinise player form and pore over injury lists.

We have to worry about whether the bane of the modern game – interminable video assistant referee decisions – will reduce matches to a stuttering snooze-fest.

We have to worry about whether the “football terrorism” of Arsenal Football Club and their manager Mikel Arteta, of not actually seeking to score in open play and instead trying to win games by playing rugby at corner kicks, will find more imitators at the international level.

These are the vital issues we need to be putting our brain power into as we skive off and pretend to work during the World Cup season.

The problem one foresees is that we might find ourselves expending that precious computing power instead on deciphering nonsense like Mr Zampolli’s remarks. Trump proxies are one thing. But what about the man himself?

What if Team USA crashes out too early? Will FIFA be bullied into pushing them through anyway? Even when the hosts are not playing, what if a team favoured by the Oval Office occupant is losing at half-time? Could a concerted Truth Social pressure campaign – complete with all-caps “LOSER!” and “KISS MY A**, REF!” posts – intimidate the match officials into a favourable second-half penalty call? And when a team not in favour crashes out, does it get waved off with a “DIED LIKE A DOG” post from the presidential desk?

I will concede, I am being deliberately theatrical. But have you been following real life? Trumpworld has its own logic that can make the outlandish feel like a coin toss away from reality. So we should all be prepared.

On-the-ground worries

Throwaway comments of this kind are perhaps how we, the remote-watching fans, will mostly be affected. Much has been written, of course, about the on-the-ground trouble that some are anticipating for those physically at the tournament.

Worth paying attention to is the travel advisory that more than 120 rights groups, led by the American Civil Liberties Union and Amnesty International, put out this week.

It flagged six areas of risk for the five million to 10 million foreign visitors expected, ranging from arbitrary detention and deportation at ports of entry, to racial profiling by immigration agents, to “cruel, inhuman, or degrading treatment” at the hands of the US Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE).

The White House has dismissed the warning as “scare tactics”.

That is one front. At SoFi Stadium in Inglewood, the Los Angeles suburb where the US team will play two of its three group-stage games, food and beverage workers have threatened to strike unless FIFA commits to keeping ICE away from the tournament.

These are the worries in America, which will host 78 of the tournament’s 104 matches over 39 days. Across the border, meanwhile, an outbreak of cartel violence in Guadalajara following the killing of a prominent drug kingpin has added more uncertainty to the 13 matches Mexico is set to host.

Canada, the third host with 13 matches of its own, has thankfully supplied no drama so far.

All this is flagged not in the hope that the off-field distractions, and the noise from Trumpworld, will overshadow the game.

Every recent World Cup, whether Brazil, Russia or Qatar, has had its share of controversy and hype in the build-up. Then when the football starts, it is just about the football.

We should hope for that best-case scenario. That includes Iran being there, doing its best like any other team.

In fact, there is one rather poetic possibility lining up.

As it stands, Iran is set to play New Zealand, Egypt and Belgium in the group stage, with two matches in Los Angeles and the other in Seattle.

If both the US and Iran finish second in their respective groups, they would play each other in the round of 32 in Texas on July 3 – the eve of America’s 250th Independence Day.

Now that would be something. The perfect “what just happened?” moment for the tournament that promises plenty of them.