Notes from a bus: Speak up or forever stew in silence

A few weeks ago, I raised my voice from the rear end of bus service 154 as it made its way from King Albert Park to Clementi.

“Can you all move to the back so that people can get on the bus,” I said, projecting my voice like a calm, matronly headmistress. “Please be more considerate.”

I thought I was being civic-minded by making this public service announcement.

After all, the bus driver himself had made the same plea a few minutes earlier, albeit in less mellifluous tones. And from my vantage point, I could see not only the bunch up at the front, but also the anxious faces at the kerb, of people worried they’d have to wait another 15 minutes for the next bus.

But what happened next was that everyone froze and stopped talking. Total absolute silence. Some people shuffled a few steps in, keeping their eyes on the ground. The gaggle of excited, once-oblivious schoolgirls retreated into their shells and cast mute gazes at one another. No heads turned, not even to check who this well-spoken but kaypoh auntie was.

Instead of feeling good about my activism, I felt like I’d breached some unwritten rule about speaking up on public transport in Singapore.

I may be wrong – do write in with your views – but it was as if everyone on that bus was embarrassed by the mad lady at the back. I’d made some social blunder, and felt it for the remaining 15 minutes of the quietest bus ride ever to The Clementi Mall.

“Ha, you were the bus conductor,” said a friend when I told her what happened. Before I could get my hopes up for a backup career if AI takes over my job, she added: “We no longer have those.”

To be clear, I wasn’t out to publicly shame anyone. I was aiming for a communal “we’re all in this crowded vehicle together, let’s be kind and help each other out” type of vibe.

But perhaps for tired, jaded commuters who put up with nail-clipping, blaring videos and bad smells every day, I came across as naive and preachy. “First time sit bus is it?” they could be thinking. “Who are you to tell us to be nice?”

They’re right, I’m just another passenger with zero moral authority. But what’s wrong with us passengers gently reminding one another now and again to be considerate? A little interaction might also ease our angst, as I’ve found from my own encounters.

“We don’t trust ourselves to respond calmly when we see selfish behaviour,” a Singaporean friend told me while trundling our way home on the upper deck of bus service 7. “So we don’t say anything and bottle it up inside. Which, ironically, means we’re more likely to explode the next time we see something that annoys us.”

He should know. He once spent a journey silently seething at a couple who’d placed their luggage in the aisle. By the time he arrived at his stop, he was too irate to ask them to move it. Instead, he kicked the bag as he went past, sending it rolling on its merry way.

But this silent treatment and passive-aggressive conduct just adds up to more bad behaviour all round – from both the original offender and the person they offended.

Similarly, many commuters prefer to stew in silence first and then air their unhappiness on social media – posting sneakily taken videos or photos of bad behaviour to shame people and foment all manner of online outrage. Meanwhile, the education on and reinforcement of social etiquette on public transport is left to the Government and its cutesy campaigns.

I’m suggesting a third way. How about we help one another to behave better on public transport? Here are some suggestions.

First, be kind and patient. That person who sits on the outside seat is not necessarily being selfish, they’re just getting off soon. They will move to let you in if asked. That NS guy in the priority seat was beyond exhausted and didn’t realise he’d nodded off. That girl who had her knapsack on the last vacant seat was just getting her water bottle out of the bag first.

Of course, we were not all born yesterday, and there are many commuters out there with an “every man for himself” attitude.

So, if you do need to say something, try to use your words, not your emotions. Don’t kick the bag.

I too have been guilty of unwittingly annoying another commuter, this time on bus service 33.

Regulars know that it gets packed at Tiong Bahru and slowly empties out towards Dover. I had squeezed into an aisle seat next to a woman with lots of shopping bags and was soon rocked into a stupor by the stop-start rhythm of the journey.

So, it took me a while to realise that we were the only ones left on the bus, by which time my travel buddy had begun fidgeting and sighing. She was expecting me to decamp to another seat and give her room. But I was too slow on the uptake. Instead of telling me what she wanted, she stood up in a huff and barged her way to a seat in front.

Sorry, all of us have our blur days, I wanted to say. You could have just asked me to move, I’m not fluent in huff and puff, I wanted to say. But at least she taught me there are lots of quietly angry people on the bus, and they all need their personal space.

Of course, I’m not suggesting we start policing manners on public transport – we are all allowed to be flawed human beings who slip up now and then. And certainly don’t do as I do – my friends already think I’m a borderline vigilante.

I once poked a man in the shoulder who was sitting across the aisle from me because he was pretend-sleeping in order to have both seats to himself. Someone had trudged up to the top deck thinking there was one seat left and didn’t have the heart to disturb him. He pretended to wake up when I prodded, at which point I gestured at the standing passenger then waved at sleeping beauty to make room. I too failed to use my words that day, but at least I got a result.

I have also confronted – sorry, asked – a teenager on the MRT about why she did not give up the priority seat for an elderly person with a leg cast. She said she “didn’t see”. I could tell she was lying through her teeth but didn’t press the issue. But hopefully she will think twice before pulling the same stunt again.

“Wah, you dare ask ah? Be careful, sometimes they shout back at you,” my cousin warned.

I think I will brave the shouting. For me, speaking up and having a dialogue is more constructive than getting angry and doing nothing. Even then, it’s still a work in progress.

Maybe one day instead of just glaring, I’ll calmly ask that person why they think their takeaway mee pok deserves its own seat. Who knows? Their answer might surprise us.

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