More than one reason why S’pore couples fear having a second child

The father of a newborn was talking to me about how life had dramatically changed with the birth of his second child. Being second-time fathers, we both keenly feel the demands on our time juggling work, caregiving and rest.

His frank explanation of the situation will hit home for many: “With one child, we can take turns taking care of the child. But with two, we can’t.” 

The financial cost of parenthood frequently features in discussions of Singapore’s falling fertility rate over the years, which hit a new record low of 0.87 in 2025.

Surveys point to financial cost as the top barrier to childbearing for many. High living costs such as housing and education are often cited as the reasons why couples delay having children.

And as a recent letter to The Straits Times Forum page put it: “It is understandable that many prioritise reaching a certain level of financial stability or personal freedom before considering parenthood... but fertility does not wait indefinitely. In life, many things can be postponed, but biology follows its own timeline.”

However, there is another, sometimes overlooked cost: Once a child is born, it’s the tight-rope of managing the demands of work, and the time and emotional bandwidth needed for parenthood.

Time, a scarce resource 

In our cosmopolitan and fast-paced society, the scarcity of time is acutely felt. 

Work is necessary to earn a livelihood for oneself and one’s family, but often places high demands on time and energy, both physical and mental. A 2024 Ministry of Manpower survey found that one in three employees here experienced work-related stress or burnout. 

Caring for children is no less time-consuming and demanding. Even when children are old enough to enter childcare and educational institutions, there are days when parents have to step in at short notice because children fall sick and are unable to attend school. 

Work and parenthood both require availability and commitment, but there are only 24 hours in a day, and seven days in a week.

In a society where the majority of married couples are both working, adding the stress of parenthood is a step too far for some.

According to the 2021 Marriage and Parenthood Survey, the stress of raising children and difficulty managing work and family demands were among the top four reasons cited by married respondents deterring them from childbearing. 

Career is not exactly the problem, as only less than one in 10 (8.9 per cent) respondents said careers held back their childbearing, in a 2024 survey on parenthood and work by my organisation, Cultivate SG.

Instead, the challenge seems to lie in the immediate, day-to-day demands these competing responsibilities place on one’s time and capacity. 

A ‘reset’ in perspective

These concerns are certainly familiar to me. 

Coming from the demanding profession of law where clients were billed according to every sliver of time we spent on their case, it hit like a tonne of bricks when my first child was born.

Counting the hours that my wife and I spent feeding, bathing and changing my newborn son, I simply could not shake the nagging thought that those hours could have meant thousands of dollars in income.

However, as months went by, my perspective changed.

I was not simply providing care, which is something a domestic helper or childcare institution could do for a price. I was nurturing a new life. 

It was also a journey of growth, discovering aspects of oneself and one’s spouse that we could never have otherwise known. We were building a relationship of love, as a family.

It was not a mere change in my cost-benefit analysis, tipping the metaphorical weighing scale more to one side than the other. It was about looking beyond that scale altogether, to a deeper sense of meaning and fulfilment. 

These perspectives made it easier for me to step back from full-time legal work to a different role where I could have the flexibility to provide care, with the support of my son’s grandparents and a helper – an arrangement that not many can choose.

With perspectives and practical arrangements in place, the stage was set to have and receive our second child when the time came. 

Even as the Government plans to cultivate “positive mindsets about marriage and parenthood” as part of its “Marriage and Parenthood Reset” to improve birth rates, one necessary societal “reset” is to relearn the value of things which are not immediately measurable in dollars and cents. 

Family life, love, commitment and care often risk being undervalued because they do not show up on a company’s balance sheet or a country’s gross domestic product. 

But these components are priceless. 

Career as a long game 

Beyond that, wider changes can help to rebalance work and caregiving, such as how we view the concept of “career”, and how we support one another at work. 

Career is a “long game” and a “marathon”, notes a mother who just had her second child, and who was comfortable not hitting professional career “milestones” or promotions at the same time as her peers at a law firm.

So much so, that with support from her colleagues, she scaled back on work there to stand by her beliefs and values, and devote more attention to her children.

While not everyone can do the same, there is room for our wider work ecosystem to be more accommodative of career breaks among employees and potential candidates.

At job interviews, perceived “gaps” in a person’s curriculum vitae or work history for the purposes of caregiving should not be seen as evidence of lack of relevance, competence or commitment.

In fact, caregiving often requires good qualities such as compassion, patience and endurance; these are universal virtues that could also be applied to work. 

Flexible work arrangements 

Various second-time parents we spoke to also shared that flexible work arrangements (FWAs) help ease the path to having another child, though more needs to be done to normalise this. 

While the Government has issued the Tripartite Guidelines on Flexible Work Arrangement Requests, these guidelines only set out the process for formal requests of FWAs, without prescribing any outcome. 

With the ultimate decision on FWAs lying in the hands of employers, a bigger change is needed in employers’ hearts and minds for FWAs to be effective.

Hard work and dedication are valued in all employees, but we need a rethink of the need for constant availability or physical presence in the office. 

Even for jobs that are naturally inflexible in schedules or work location, steps can be taken.

Employers can implement clear start and end times, with overtime limited to exceptional circumstances, so that employees have space to manage their other commitments. 

Wider societal shift in attitudes and behaviours

In the latest Budget announcements, the Government is providing another $500 in Child LifeSG Credits for every Singaporean child aged 12 and below.

This is on top of various measures in recent years including enhancements to the Child Development Account, Baby Bonus Scheme, MediSave Grant, paternity leave, and the new Shared Parental Leave and Large Families Schemes.

These are helpful, but we also need a wider societal shift to recognise and value the contributions of both men and women at work and in family life.

While there is nothing wrong in recognising the complementary strengths of both sexes, the problem lies where these are hardened into rigid demands.

Employers’ gendered expectations of men do dissuade their involvement in caregiving, such that only slightly more than half (56 per cent) of fathers take parental leave, compared with three-quarters (73 per cent) of mothers. 

Laws and policies can only go so far. The competing demands on our time are found in day-to-day interactions, and the change must lie in our attitudes and daily behaviours as individuals and as a collective. 

It calls for empathy, mutual understanding and a reprioritising of family life.

As a first-time father a few years ago, I declined a meeting organised by the chief executive of a non-profit organisation due to paternity leave. Her reply inspires me to this day, “Go, be a good father to your son. This is a role no one else can fill.”

Now, as a father of two, those words remain ever true.