Forum: Think before having kids as not all are suited to be parents

I enjoy a good analogy or two, but worry when multiple sweeping ones are made in an attempt to oversell a point.

Mr Philip Rowell’s views (Should you have children? The answer is yes, yes and yes, Oct 7) are far too simplistic and make light of the many who do not have children but who lead extremely meaningful lives. Ludwig van Beethoven, Florence Nightingale and Zhou Enlai are but a few of many examples, and hardly anyone would venture to suggest that they did not self-actualise.

Closer to home, I am sure most would also be able to name family or friends who are childless but leading exciting, exemplary and charitable lives.

Not every adult is suited to be a parent, and one ought to make a careful assessment first before trying. The issue is never just about finances – although it is a big one – but whether the person has the necessary time, temper and temperament.

From time to time, we read about abusive or criminally negligent parents, or ones who struggle badly with addictions and find themselves often in a decrepit state or behind bars. Was it ethically right for these adults, already not adept at managing their own lives, to bring new life into the world but not even provide minimum standards of parenting, just because they wanted to, as Mr Rowell put it, “live while you’re alive”?

What of those who have chosen not to have children so that they can fulfil other purposes or responsibilities more important to them, such as taking care of sickly parents?

Some people also prefer not to experience the extremes in life, which come with having children. There is absolutely nothing wrong with eschewing the most exciting ride in Disneyland for something moderate, or driving a sports car just to buy groceries.

At the end of the day, it boils down to what and how someone finds ultimate meaning in life. Having a child is surely not the be-all and end-all, and is also not a game of cards.

It is literally a lifelong commitment, the genesis of which is first best thought through carefully, as laid out in the article by Dr Kalpana Vignehsa and Dr Matthew Hammerton (Thinking twice about having kids even if money isn’t an issue?, Oct 6).

Tan Yi Shu