Forum: Society still views mums, not dads, as playing bigger role in child-raising
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I was struck by the piece written by Straits Times assistant news editor Amelia Teng (Feb 8), who ended it by suggesting that men be asked how they juggle work and family. I believe that it is society itself that needs to answer that question.
As someone who is part of a community of stay-at-home dads, I can say that the challenge we face is often more about how we deal with others’ perceptions of us.
Although more fathers now play a bigger role in child-raising – from doing the school runs to being the sole parent with the child in public places like parks and malls – society still views mothers taking on a bigger role as more acceptable.
More than one story has been shared of men being sidelined when it comes to parenting.
My wife and I once took my son to a children’s hospital for a check-up. Throughout the consultation, the female doctor talked only to my wife about my son’s situation.
Not once did she look at or address me and my son. It was like we were not in the room. When it was over, I stayed behind to tell the doctor that I was as much a caregiver to my son as my wife, and that on most days, I was the stay-home parent.
The doctor’s slight could have been unintentional, but the incident spoke volumes about how the idea of mothers being the primary caregiver is entrenched in society.
Based on interactions with fellow dads in our community, I know my experience was neither unique nor limited only to hospitals.
With such parenting stereotypes being propagated, is it any wonder the burden of raising children here will continue to fall disproportionately on women?
Kelvin Seah Lee Nguon
