Forum: Simple guide can help people support victims of sexual assault
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I read with interest Aware’s letter “Let’s stop blaming the victim for being raped”
The past decade has seen commendable progress in raising awareness about sexual assault and harassment. However, as a society, we still have some way to go.
In 2011, I wrote to the Forum page about being molested on a train and urged SMRT to provide a protocol so victims and bystanders would know what to do.
SMRT responded with a clear and simple protocol:
Press the emergency communication button.
Inform the train officer that you were molested.
Share the four-digit carriage number.
Wait for station officers to arrive.
Reflecting on this, I wondered: Could we create a similar protocol for the general public to guide their response when someone in their social network is harassed or assaulted?
It is already difficult for victims to speak up. Yet, friends and family _ often unintentionally _ can make it even more painful.
Unhelpful responses include: “You should have known better. You shouldn’t have done that”; and “You wouldn’t be upset if the perpetrator were rich, powerful and attractive.”
Such remarks may stem from a misguided attempt to downplay the severity of the experience, maintain social cohesion (especially when the perpetrator is known) or reassure themselves that they are safe from such attacks.
Some people also wrongly assume that unwanted sexual attention means the victim is attractive when, in reality, perpetrators often target those they believe they can exploit without consequence.
If we were to develop a straightforward guide on what people can say and do, could something like this be helpful?
Tell them it’s not their fault: “What happened to you was wrong and not your fault.”
Reinforce that they have control: “You have control over what happens next.”
Share that resources and professional help are available: “Would you like help finding support? There are hotlines, counselling services and legal aid available.”
Offer to walk with them: “Would you like me to be with you as you take your next step?”
We do not need to be trained personnel to play a role in effective support. But, just as SMRT’s protocol empowers bystanders to take action, a simple framework allows us to be part of the support system _ creating a safe space for survivors while professionals provide the care they need.
Angie Ho
