Forum: Disbelief of sexual victims’ disclosures is equally damaging

I refer to the article “

When sexual assault victims are accused of lying by their own families

” (Jan 31), which highlighted the harm caused when victims’ disclosures are dismissed or minimised by those closest to them.

Recent reporting on victims of sexual abuse being disbelieved by their own families points to a deeper and more pervasive problem: the psycho-emotional ordeal faced by victims of intimate partner violence when their suffering is minimised, normalised or quietly endured under social and familial pressure.

For many victims, the abuse itself is only part of the harm. What follows can be equally damaging. When family members or institutions advise victims to “endure”, to “turn the other cheek” or to “not air their dirty laundry”, they are perpetuating injury across generations.

Victims’ distress is often reframed as oversensitivity or something they are expected to tolerate quietly.

These responses are often rooted in intergenerational practices where silence, endurance and accommodation of harm are normalised, especially among women and caregivers.

As Chinese New Year approaches – a time when family gatherings are both expected and celebrated – there is often unspoken pressure to appear united and to participate as “one family”, regardless of private realities. For some, these occasions are not moments of joy but periods of heightened strain.

In Singapore, family law places a high threshold on what constitutes an “unfit” or “bad” parent. Unless there is visible physical injury, documented violence or extreme misconduct, patterns of coercive control, chronic emotional harm, intimidation and psychological destabilisation are often treated as peripheral. The result is profound injustice.

A parent who consistently undermines, intimidates or destabilises the household may still be regarded as “adequate” in legal terms – while the child absorbs the consequences daily through exposure to violence and chronic emotional stress.

For victims, the request is simple: protection, predictability and dignity. Most victims are not seeking punishment or vindication. They are asking for harm to be recognised before it escalates into catastrophic harm with lasting consequences.

Celene Ting