Forum: Bullied in school, and so was my son, but with different outcomes

I refer to the article “Parents should let schools handle fighting or bullying cases, and avoid jumping in: Chan Chun Sing” (Feb 4) and the letter “Parents must partner schools to prevent bullying” (Feb 6).

As someone who was persistently bullied in secondary school, simply because I was tall and thin, and as a parent who had the misfortune of having my third son bullied, I would like to encourage parents to try and remain calm when encountering incidents of bullying.  They should act, but reasonably.

When I was being bullied in school, my parents brushed off the bullying by telling me not to be bothered by it. As a 14-year-old girl, it was impossible to not be bothered by it.

 I was saved because I had a best friend in school whom I could sit with during recess and not feel utterly alone and hopeless. I wished that my parents had taken me seriously. The bullying was real and it hurt me badly.

When one of my sons was bullied in lower secondary school, it was heartbreaking for me to see it. He was told in WhatsApp group chats to “go kill” himself. He was called unprintable names. I had never seen him cry as much as he did. 

While it would have been easy for me to march to the principal’s office and demand that the perpetrators be punished, that move might potentially have isolated my son even further. 

I chose to e-mail the class teachers informing them of the incident. I asked that the students not be punished. I asked that they be patient with my son, who did say inappropriate things in the group chats that annoyed the rest. I made it clear that I understood that the teenage years are challenging and confusing.

The school did suspend the students, despite my request for it not to. However, the school took the time to explain, not only to the group of boys but also to the whole class, that what the boys did was wrong.

The outcome of this incident was heart-warming. The same group of boys are now my son’s good friends. They hang out frequently. They have come to our house many times to have meals.

I am pleased that when bullying is handled and managed appropriately by a parent and the school, friendships can blossom.

Lela Iuorno