For dads, flexi-work is just what the doctor ordered
Flexible work arrangements should not reinforce the notion that women alone have to juggle the burden of work and caregiving.
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Although more women than men prefer flexi-work arrangements, studies show that, in fact, a majority of people from both sexes want them.
PHOTO: PEXELS
Darius Lee
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“Priorities.”
That word lingered in my mind long after I made my way home from a farewell dinner for a colleague at the law firm where I worked. It was around two years ago, and my wife was pregnant at the time.
During dinner, I had sought advice from another colleague about caregiving arrangements. Though we were around the same age, he was already a father of two.
“It all depends on how you prioritise things,” he said.
These moments, once missed, will never return.
Thus, my mind was set.
Today, I am my son’s main caregiver. My typical day involves juggling both work and caregiving, while my wife works from office as a default. Our roles have been enabled by my flexible work arrangement (FWA), as well as support from a domestic helper and my child’s grandparents.
In a step towards normalisation of FWAs in society, the new Tripartite Guidelines on Flexible Work Arrangement Requests
While that is undoubtedly true, let’s not forget that men and children gain too.
Not just for women
Although more women than men prefer FWAs, studies show that, in fact, a majority of people from both sexes want them.
According to a 2022 Institute of Policy Studies survey, 73 per cent of female respondents felt that working from home on most days or FWAs should be the new norm for workplaces in Singapore.
Some 66 per cent of male respondents felt the same. Among those with dependents (such as children), the figures were 94 per cent for females and 86 per cent for males.
There is a downside if we see FWAs as something meant primarily for working mothers: This may inadvertently reinforce and entrench expectations that mothers should bear the burden of juggling work and caregiving, whereas fathers should focus on full-time work as breadwinners.
Such expectations not only unduly burden women with domestic tasks on top of paid work, but also impose unnecessary pressures on fathers.
As data from elsewhere has shown, men frequently encounter “flex stigma” from employers. Their FWA requests are not treated with sympathy and this deters them from making such requests.
The truth, as pointed out in the 2022 White Paper on Singapore Women’s Development, is that FWAs help “both women and men” to better balance work, family and personal responsibilities.
This would become increasingly necessary for families in the light of Singapore’s ageing population, as there will be more “sandwiched” couples who have to straddle the delicate balance between earning a livelihood on one hand, and caring for both young children and the elderly on the other.
Dads can get more involved
For most of my childhood years, my mother stayed home while my father worked full-time. Still tucked away in my mind today are precious memories of Dad teaching me to ride a bicycle, and of him taking my siblings and me to the movies.
There were also many occasions when I whispered in my heart: “I wish Dad didn’t have to work so much and could be here to see me do this.” Many in Singapore feel the same too. In a 2023 survey by Focus on the Family Singapore, the top areas that respondents wished their fathers were more involved in were emotional development (73.6 per cent) and sharing activities or interests (66.7 per cent).
The previous generation probably did the best that they could.
Nevertheless, with the new Tripartite Guidelines and the move to normalise FWAs, we all have a chance to give to our children what we wish we had received more from our parents: time, love and physical presence.
As a father now, I am persuaded of the benefits of being actively involved in my son’s growing years.
An insightful summary of international research produced by the then Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports (MCYS) in 2009 found that active fathering makes a “unique and crucial difference”:
To children in terms of their social, emotional and cognitive development;
To mothers as partners in the co-parenting relationship; and
To fathers themselves in their own path of adult development.
To quote the MCYS study, mothers and fathers “often bring different strengths and styles to their parenting roles”, which are “unique and complementary”.
From my personal experience, my FWA has allowed me to care for and bond with my son even as I work, and to be there with him as he grows.
Moments and milestones
“You know, he is only going to be this small just this once,” I tell myself and others every time I reflect on my life choices and priorities. Looking at the photographs displayed in my living room, I have no regrets.
The space where my wedding photos stand now includes numerous pictures of my son.
In one picture is the tiny infant who had just turned a month old, asleep and cradled in the arms of my wife and me. There was fatigue in our eyes, but it was overshadowed by the joy radiating from our faces.
Next to it is a picture of our family, which we took at my wife’s birthday celebration. There sits the little boy staring, mouth open and wide-eyed at the camera, nestled next to our smiling faces.
Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I spot the now-active toddler dashing out of his room. In one swift move, he hops on his favourite ride-on toy car and gleefully drives it around the house.
I am glad that I did not miss those moments and milestones of the little one’s growth, from his first taste of solid food to his first step and beyond.
And yes, I did get to witness my son speak his first word.
His first word, entirely unprompted and without having been taught it, was “Abba”.
Darius Lee is the executive director of Cultivate SG, a non-profit organisation dedicated to “growing the good, one conversation at a time”. He is also a lawyer and locum solicitor.
