Are you a British pensioner, bored sitting at home? You can come out of retirement and enrol in a new apprenticeship scheme that guarantees a job with Halfords, Britain’s largest retailer of car and cycling products.

Are you employed in the meat trade in the Philippines and dreaming of better pay? If you don’t mind the winter weather, an all-expenses paid 10,000km trip to Britain is available. You can work as a butcher for one of the country’s biggest meat processors, ensuring that McDonald’s gets all the burgers it needs in the run-up to the Christmas festivities.