The opposite of schadenfreude is ‘freudenfreude’. Here is how to cultivate it

UNITED STATES – When Ms Eugenie George heard that her friend passed a financial counselling examination, at first, her heart sank.

She had failed the same test weeks earlier, and she needed the credential to advance her career.

“My inner child got upset,” said the financial writer and educator from Philadelphia. But instead of stewing, Ms George rang her friend. “I told her I failed and admitted I was jealous,” she said.

She knew that being upfront would defuse her envy, but she was surprised when it shifted her attitude so she could share her friend’s happiness and experience her own, in turn.

“I congratulated her and told her she inspired me,” said Ms George.

Finding pleasure in another person’s good fortune is what social scientists call “freudenfreude”, a term (inspired by the German word for “joy”) that describes the bliss people feel when someone else succeeds, even if it does not directly involve them.

Freudenfreude is like social glue, said Professor Catherine Chambliss, who teaches psychology at Ursinus College in Pennsylvania. It makes relationships “more intimate and enjoyable”.

Ms Erika Weisz, an empathy researcher and postdoctoral fellow in psychology at Harvard University, said the feeling closely resembles positive empathy – the ability to experience someone else’s positive emotions.

A small 2021 study examined positive empathy’s role in daily life and found that it propelled kind acts, like helping others.

Sharing in someone else’s joy can also foster resilience, improve life satisfaction and help people cooperate during a conflict.

To better understand freudenfreude, it can be helpful to demystify its better-known counterpart – schadenfreude – the pleasure people feel when witnessing someone’s misfortune.

In a 2012 study, Prof Chambliss and her colleagues examined freudenfreude and schadenfreude scores among college students, some of whom were experiencing mild depression and some who were not.

Among those who were not depressed, freudenfreude scores were higher and schadenfreude scores were lower. The mildly depressed students, however, had a harder time adopting a joy-sharing mindset.

“When you’re feeling down, it’s natural to puncture positive news with negativity,” said Prof Chambliss.

Even when people are not experiencing mental distress, moments of schadenfreude – like when a movie villain gets his comeuppance or a nemesis faces scrutiny – can be comforting and serve a purpose.

“Schadenfreude is one way we try to cope with jealousy and vulnerability,” said clinical psychologist Emily Anhalt, co-founder of Coa, a mental health app. It is an “ego protector” that shields people from pain and reinforces social bonds within a group, like when joy erupts among sports fans after the rival competitor faces a humiliating loss.

Indulging in too much schadenfreude, however, can backfire. One study found that schadenfreude on social media can ice out empathy, making people less compassionate towards those who differ from them.

To help people strengthen joy-sharing muscles, Prof Chambliss and her colleagues developed a programme called Freudenfreude Enhancement Training (FET), featuring two exercises. They found that depressed college students who used the FET practices for two weeks had an easier time expressing freudenfreude, which enhanced their relationships and improved their mood.

If you are interested in enjoying a little more freudenfreude, try some of the tips below, culled from FET and other experts:

1. Show interest in someone else’s happiness

One way to summon good feelings for others is to ask questions. Prof Chambliss and her colleagues call this FET practice “Shoy”, or sharing joy.

To start, invite the bearer of good news to discuss his experience. Even if your heart is not in it, research conducted by Dr Sonja Lyubomirsky, a psychology professor at the University of California Riverside who studies happiness, suggests that happiness can flourish when you make a heartfelt effort to engage with a positive activity.

So when you speak with your friend, make eye contact and listen to his or her story. Doing so motivates you to keep going and makes you feel like your efforts will pay off.

2. View individual success as a communal effort

“When we feel happy for others, their joy becomes our joy,” said psychologist Marisa Franco, author of Platonic: How The Science Of Attachment Can Help You Make – And Keep – Friends. To that end, freudenfreude encourages people to look at success as a community achievement.

“No one gets to the top alone and when we elevate others, we’re often carried up with them,” Dr Anhalt said.

Artist Jean Grae supports friends and colleagues by adopting this mindset. When someone gets a new opportunity or reaches a milestone, she makes sure to celebrate him or her. As a non-binary person of colour, she is moved when anyone considered “other” succeeds.

“It’s truly inspirational because it lifts us all up and makes us shine,” she said.

3. Share credit for your successes

Because emotions are contagious, showing appreciation can increase freudenfreude for both the gratitude giver and the recipient. In this way, you can think of freudenfreude as something you can spread when you are experiencing personal joy.

To do this, try a FET exercise called “bragitude”, which involves expressing gratitude when someone else’s success or support leads to your own. Start by sharing your win, then tell the other person how he or she helped. If your friend’s accountant advised you to squirrel away more money, for instance, you might say: “My savings are growing. Thanks for recommending your great accountant.”

Practising bragitude is like sharing dessert. Both parties enjoy the sweetness of the moment, which enhances freudenfreude for them both.

4. Turn into a joy spectator

“Too often, we think of joy passively,” Dr Franco said. “We see it as something that comes to us instead of something we can generate.”

But you do not need to wait for someone else’s good news to exercise freudenfreude, she said.

Cultivate joy by inviting others to share their victories. You might ask, “What was the bright spot of your day?” or “I could use some good news. What’s the best thing that happened to you this week?”

Asking about other people’s wins turns you into a joy spectator, giving you a chance to witness them at their best.

Experiencing more freudenfreude does not mean you will never root against a villain again, but being able to reach for happiness is inherently beneficial.

“As delicious as it is to delight in our enemy’s defeats, celebrating our friends’ success – big and small – helps us all triumph in the end,” said Prof Chambliss. NYTIMES