Inspiring dads: He helped son with muscular dystrophy dream bigger

SINGAPORE – For one month in 2022, Michael Sim hit the books with his son, Aaron, who was doing his A levels.

Worried about his economics grade falling from B to C, the then 18-year-old had asked his dad to find him a tutor. The elder Sim did not do just that, but he also took leave and sat with Aaron during the online lessons to help reinforce his learning.

“It was not easy, especially because Aaron does not respond well to pressure. But we also had some great moments together, and it was especially fulfilling when he eventually went on to ace his paper,” says Sim, now 57.

Their father-son relationship has been tested more than most.

Aaron has Asperger’s Syndrome and muscular dystrophy, a genetic condition where muscles progressively weaken and waste away.

When The Straits Times requested an interview with Sim for a Father’s Day article, it was his son who persuaded him to take the spotlight.

“He’s done so much for me my whole life. It would make sense for more people to know about how much he’s helped me so far,” says Aaron, now 22 and a third-year undergraduate in computer science at the National University of Singapore.

Sim, who works in the financial industry, describes Aaron as a calm and composed child who always had a ready smile.

His wife Judy, 58, became a stay-at-home mother when Aaron was born. The couple also have a 24-year-old daughter.

Aaron did not speak in sentences until about age two and would not make eye contact when he talked, but his parents thought he was just a late bloomer.

When they sought help, a speech therapist said he might have Asperger’s, a high-functioning form of autism. Individuals with the condition typically find social interactions difficult and may have restricted interests or display repetitive behaviour.

Shocked, they sought early intervention.

During his early primary school years in Tao Nan School, Aaron had a shadow teacher who observed him in class and gave daily recommendations on how his parents could help him work on his social and communication skills.

With awareness of special needs conditions still in its infancy then, Sim remembers being called to the principal’s office several times over Aaron’s so-called disruptive behaviour.

Changes to class schedules and teachers stressed him. Aaron would then speak loudly and unintelligibly, which led to his classmates teasing him and an eventual meltdown.

During Chinese New Year celebrations in school, Sim made sure Aaron was at a safe distance before the lion dance performance started. The boy would otherwise break down from the loud beat of drums and clang of cymbals.

By Primary 3, Aaron, who had practised taekwondo since he was a pre-schooler, started behaving clumsily and often fell.

His concerned parents took him to various medical experts and physical therapists before he was diagnosed with muscular dystrophy.

He was 10 years old then.

His parents were devastated and felt helpless at the prospect of losing him prematurely.

“Over time, I realised I could not let my fear become the centre of Aaron’s life. What mattered more was helping him live meaningfully and confidently,” says Sim.

The couple tried to keep Aaron’s life as active as possible, signing him up for therapeutic sessions at Riding for the Disabled Association Singapore and para-canoeing with the Singapore Canoe Federation.

Aaron, who now uses a wheelchair, participated in seminars and events by the Muscular Dystrophy Association (Singapore), as well as a weekend camp. Father and son were regulars at the association’s flag days to help raise funds.

One of Sim’s biggest challenges as a father was helping his son see beyond his physical condition.

“I did not want him to grow up believing that his wheelchair or his condition defined who he was. At the same time, I wanted him to understand that needing support did not mean lowering his expectations of himself.

“He still had strengths, responsibilities and the ability to contribute meaningfully in his own way,” Sim says.

For instance, Aaron showed an early interest in logic and numbers, finishing his mathematics test papers early, so his father enrolled him in a Japanese maths enrichment programme at age five.

By the end of Primary 5, Aaron could handle secondary-level mathematics. He went on to study in the integrated programme at Victoria School and Victoria Junior College.

In 2023, he clinched the Asia Pacific Breweries Foundation Scholarship administered by SPD, a charity helping people with disabilities.

At home, Sim calls himself the designated “bad cop” who enforces study time when Aaron is distracted by gaming, usually Minecraft.

Aaron says of his father’s interventions: “It’s sound advice, even if I don’t always agree with it at first. I just need to remember that he always has good intentions in mind.”

Even so, the pair have a close relationship, trading inside jokes throughout this interview and photo shoot.

Sim is not a big gamer, but he and Aaron have lively discussions about manga and anime series like One Piece.

Unlike the linear improvements Aaron made academically, making and keeping friends has been more challenging.

“There were painful moments when he felt rejected by his peers and I remember times when he cried because of those setbacks. As a father, watching your child suffer in that way is truly heartbreaking,” says Sim.

People tend to misunderstand Aaron’s lack of eye contact and fixation on a subject he is interested in, so his father often offers him strategies on how to engage others in conversation.

Sim says his son surprises him with his inner strength.

Take para-canoeing, for instance. Aaron could have said no, but he persevered at it until 2019 when a scoliosis operation took away his limited ability to rotate and swing his upper body freely.

“Despite knowing that there was a possibility of capsizing, he still went through it until the point when he couldn’t,” Sim says.

Neither does Aaron complain when his father helps him with his daily stretches, which can be uncomfortable.

“I am proud of his perseverance, his strong belief in himself, and the way he continues to focus on what he can do rather than what he cannot,” he adds.

Says Aaron of his dad: “He can be a little too blunt at times. But in the end, he has my best interests in mind.”