How to tackle your to-do list if you struggle with executive functioning

NEW YORK – The Pomodoro technique. Power poses. Planners. Ms Denise Daskal has tried them all, searching for the right strategy to improve her executive functioning, or the mental skills used to manage time and pursue goals.

She has spent hours hunting through TikTok, reading books and taking classes to become better organised and more focused both at work and in her personal life. But the long list of strategies, while somewhat helpful, has felt exhausting, she said.

“My mind breaks a bit when I get overwhelmed and I have too much coming at me all at once,” said Ms Daskal, 63, who lives in Dearborn, Michigan, and was diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder a few years ago.

Conditions such as ADHD, autism, obsessive compulsive disorder and depression can impede executive functioning; so can the period of life when women transition in and out of menopause. Life circumstances such as parenting young children, getting a bad night’s sleep or even missing a meal can scramble a person’s ability to focus and complete tasks too.

Here is how to understand executive functioning, and figure out which coping strategies might work for you.

What is executive functioning?

Executive functions are life management skills that help people “convert intentions into actions”, said psychologist Ari Tuckman in West Chester, Pennsylvania, who is the author of The ADHD Productivity Manual.

In other words, if you plan to do something, executive functions help you do it at the right time and place because it will benefit you, either now or in the future, he added. These skills are essential for planning, solving problems, managing time, making decisions and initiating tasks, as well as controlling your emotions and attention.

Ms Amy Dorn, 44, a mother of three in Evergreen, Colorado, who has ADHD, has trouble staying calm when her brain becomes overstimulated by too many things happening at once. It does not take long before she becomes frazzled. Sometimes, she said, she will even “scream at the top of my lungs”.

There are no quick fixes, but the self-awareness that her brain is different helps her calm down faster, take a deep breath and say she is sorry.

“The kids call me the apologiser,” she said.

Her tendency to go from zero to 100 may never go away, she added, so her family has found ways to prevent overstimulation from happening in the first place. Her husband changed his working hours, arriving home earlier to ensure that she has an extra hand shuttling the kids to activities. And they have limited their children to one sport a season.

Moving beyond tips and tricks

There is no shortage of techniques to help with executive functioning, like the Pomodoro method that Ms Daskal tried, the gist of which is a 25-minute burst of focused attention followed by a short break.

But before trying one of these strategies, experts say, it may help to start with a brief self-analysis.

1. Identify which aspects of executive functioning are most problematic for you.

Dr Tamara Rosier is the founder of the ADHD Center of West Michigan and the author of You, Me, And Our ADHD Family. She said that difficulty starting a task was the most common executive functioning issue for her clients. The to-do list can feel overwhelming, which may lead to frustration, anxiety and avoidance.

When Ms Daskal planned to finally clean out her garage, for example, she was so paralysed by the prospect that she went out and adopted a dog instead.

Potty training a puppy seemed simpler than confronting the thousands of little decisions required to organise her space, she said.

2. Look for solutions that address your problem.

For task initiation, ask yourself: “What’s making this hard to start?”

It might be perfectionism, fear or unclear steps, Dr Rosier said. Once you have a better idea of what is slowing you down, try to address it.

If you are unsure of what steps to take because you are overwhelmed with emotion, make a list of what is overwhelming. Then ask yourself: “Am I overcomplicating this task?”

Challenge yourself to think of the simplest way to do it, Dr Rosier said.

Another strategy, she added, is to use “body doubling”, which is working alongside someone else – virtually or in person – to create momentum.

For example, the Attention Deficit Disorder Association offers an online “productivity powerhour” where people can gather to work towards a goal. You can also pair your task with something pleasant like music or a podcast to make it feel more enjoyable.

3. Try solving the problem outside your mind.

“Externalising” your thought process – by discussing your problem with a friend, writing it down or physically manipulating the things you are working on – can be more helpful than trying to hold everything in your mind, Dr Tuckman said.

Ms Dorn, for example, often forgets things that seem boring or mundane. She now wears a recording device on her wrist and says her to-do list out loud, then plays it back later in the day.

4. Set expectations for yourself and others.

Personal strategies are less effective if your environment is not friendly to people with executive functioning deficits, such as a job that requires you to complete a complex task on the computer while continuing to receive instant messages that may or may not require a response, breaking focus on the main task.

Ms Daskal decided to pivot from owning a salon and spa, which involved managing a facility and a staff, to focus on her dream of starting a new nail polish brand. This time around, she said, she is mindful of how many responsibilities she is taking on and which ones need to be outsourced. That helps her make time for sleep and exercise.

“I limit both what I attempt to do in a day as well as the time I attempt to do them,” she said. Her mantra: “One step at a time, one thing at a time.”

Setting expectations with the people you interact with is also important, Dr Tuckman said. Say you are always late to meet friends. You can work on arriving earlier while also being honest, saying, “Don’t leave until I text you,” he suggested.

5. Don’t judge yourself too harshly.

If you have had trouble with executive functioning, it can be easy to blame yourself – especially if other people are continually suggesting that you fall short.

Remind yourself that you are not flawed or irresponsible, Dr Tuckman said. Rather, you have difficulty following through on what you intend to do and juggling all the other demands of life in order to make it happen, he added.

This mindset can be “tremendously validating”, he said, especially when someone has tried so hard – sometimes even harder than others – yet does not have as much to show for it.

“If you are someone who struggles with executive functions, critical people with very specific expectations may not be the people who should have a starring role in your life,” Dr Tuckman said. “It’s not just you are a bad fit for them – they are a bad fit for you.” NYTIMES