Fostering teens: Couple’s daughters became foster sisters to two girls
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Mr Bob Chia, a sales director in an IT services firm, and his wife, Ms Lee May Ling, an administrative manager, prefer to foster teens rather than babies and toddlers.
ST PHOTO: ARIFFIN JAMAR
Follow topic:
- Bob Chia and Lee May Ling chose to foster adolescents, starting with Jessica at 13, to offer a positive turning point before adulthood, inspired by Mr Chia's volunteer work.
- The family faced challenges, including Jessica's self-harm and different family cultures, but bonded through shared activities and open communication.
- Despite initial anxieties, the fostering experience strengthened family bonds, leading to heartfelt gratitude from Jessica and ongoing support even after she returned home.
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SINGAPORE – Mr Bob Chia and Ms Lee May Ling chose to foster a teen when their own children hit their late teens.
Their first foster child arrived at the age of 13, about four years ago. Their daughters were then 18 and 19 years old.
“We thought the age gap would not be too wide,” says Ms Lee, 52, an administrative manager in the construction industry. She hoped the children would be able to relate to one another better, compared with if they had fostered a baby instead.
Mr Chia, 52, a sales director in an IT services firm, adds: “The whole family is involved in fostering a child. Our girls could play a ‘jie jie’ (big sister in Chinese) role.”
The four of them used to visit a children’s home in Johor Bahru annually, and Mr Chia has been a volunteer counsellor in Prison Fellowship Singapore – a Christian non-profit that supports prisoners, former offenders and their families – for 20 years.
“Many convicts and their children don’t have a chance in life; almost all of them were from broken homes. I saw a need to open up our home to children who may come from troubled families, before they reach adulthood.
“They may have a turning point in their lives before they go out into the world to work,” says Mr Chia, who adds that he had been praying for years for the right opportunity to present itself.
That moment came in 2021, when they read a report in The Straits Times about more couples choosing to take up fostering
For the first time, everyone voted aye to welcoming a foster child.
Elder daughter Claudia Chia, now 24 and a public servant, saw it as a chance for the family to work together.
“It was good timing. I might have only a few more years living with my parents. Maybe I’ll get married and move out. I thought: Why not?”
The whole family was excited to welcome Jessica (not her real name).
“When you are all ready to take it up, the prospect is less scary, but fostering is definitely not a bed of roses,” says Ms Lee.
Jessica, now 17, returned to her biological family in 2023 after 1½ years with the Chias. The couple have another foster child, a 14-year-old girl, who has lived with them for a year.
The first week she arrived, Ms Lee discovered that Jessica, then 13, had self-harm scars on her upper arms, which had been concealed by long sleeves.
Panicking, Ms Lee consulted other foster parents she knew. Mr Chia confiscated three penknives from Jessica over several months before she stopped cutting herself, possibly as a coping mechanism for past trauma.
Ms Lee says: “You’re getting to know someone who is living with you and you already feel anxious. I envisioned someone more like my children, someone easier to manage and talk to. She would draw the curtains and sit in the dark.
“Over time, we got to know her real character. As she got more comfortable with us, she would share her hurts and deeper thoughts.”
Day-to-day differences grated at first, before both foster children eventually became open to talking about their day with the family as they ate at the dining table, and being coached in their studies by the foster parents.
Mr Lee says: “Small things, like not looking you in the eye or not greeting you when they got home, showed the challenges of coming from different family cultures.”
Nonetheless, Jessica bonded with the Chia sisters, who took her to the movies and thrift stores. She started making plans to go to university, like the older girls did.
After years of having her own space, younger daughter Charmaine, now 23 and a public servant, shared her bedroom with Jessica.
The family’s current foster child, Belinda (not her real name), now rooms with Claudia in the family’s three-bedroom condominium unit near Clementi.
Claudia initially had to get used to sweet wrappers and tissue paper strewn on her bedroom floor. Belinda also goes to bed around 9pm, much earlier than her, in order to wake at 5.30am for school.
But Claudia says she has little to complain about. “The challenge is carving out some me-time. I can’t go to my room to rest, and doomscrolling on a sofa in the hall has a different vibe. But these are First World problems.”
Ms Lee says: “If we had foster children who were too young, it would have been more about taking care of them physically, and they wouldn’t remember us. Some of the strongest memories are forged as teens. We have also become closer as a family.”
On her last night before returning to her biological family, Jessica, then 14, made cards for each member of her foster family.
Ms Lee’s card read: “I would have been lost if I didn’t have you guys to help me out.” It was accompanied by Jessica’s drawings of multi-petalled hydrangeas. Not too long ago, Ms Lee had been alarmed by the teen’s equally intricate, manga-inspired renderings of monsters and ghosts.
Jessica still visits her foster family, joining them for festivities, birthdays and occasions like Mother’s Day.
Previously, she had bristled at turning on the location tracking function on her phone when her foster parents wanted to know where she was. After she left, she kept the tracker on.
