K-pop rapper and Squid Game 2 star T.O.P ‘too ashamed’ to return to BigBang

SEOUL – South Korean rapper-turned-actor Choi Seung-hyun, better known as T.O.P from popular K-pop boy band BigBang, marked his return to the screen since the 2017 film Out Of Control in the second season of hit Netflix series Squid Game (2021 to present).

Previously embroiled in a scandal following a conviction for marijuana use that led to a 10-month suspended jail sentence in 2017, his journey back to the limelight may be a tale of self-reflection.

In Squid Game 2, the 37-year-old star plays Thanos, a failed rapper addicted to drugs who enters the deadly games to escape crippling debt. A character at once selfish and absurd, Thanos delivers a cocktail of exaggerated emotions and awkward bravado – a performance that has sparked intrigue and polarised reactions.

During an interview with South Korean media outlets on Jan 15, Choi opened up with emotional gravity befitting his first conversation with the press in more than a decade.

“Since it’s my first interview in 11 years, a lot has happened, and I came here after careful consideration, thinking it was the right time. I feel a mix of emotions, including feeling apologetic, but today, I want to share my honest thoughts,” he said.

Choi had largely kept a low profile after his marijuana conviction in 2017 midway through his mandatory military service. He was eventually discharged in 2019.

Reflecting on the turbulent years since his departure from the public eye, he spoke about his struggles.

“In my 20s, I made huge mistakes, and the dark times I faced then led me down a path I had never been on before. What followed was a truly hellish period of darkness, during which I became emotionally devastated,” he said. “I experienced profound psychological deterioration and intense self-loathing.”

It was during these times of desolation that the opportunity to audition for Squid Game 2 emerged.

“Like any other actor, I recorded a video and sent it in. After meeting the director and going through several rounds of readings and interviews, I was cast,” he recounted.

“If it hadn’t been Thanos, I wouldn’t have taken on the role. It was an extremely difficult decision for me, given my past mistakes. But Thanos was a character I had to confront head-on – not a righteous figure, but a stereotypically failed, pathetic hip-hop loser. That gave me the courage to step forward.”

Stepping into the shoes of this character proved a formidable psychological challenge, he added.

“The set had hundreds of actors and crew members present. When we shot the scene in which Thanos takes drugs, I found myself in a very embarrassing situation, which was quite psychologically challenging for me,” said Choi.

“However, I believed it was my responsibility to overcome this as part of my role, and that determination was what kept me going.”

Critics have been divided over Choi’s portrayal, with some viewers describing the performance as overtly exaggerated and unnatural, an assessment he readily embraced.

“Acting and characters are things that can draw mixed reactions and be highly subjective, and there will be elements audiences may criticise. I believe enduring such criticism is something I must accept,” he said.

The concept behind Thanos, as Choi elaborated, was the idea of failure personified.

“He’s portrayed as a failed member of the millennial generation, full of cringe-worthy behaviour and over-the-top bravado, like a teenager stuck in a phase of childish delusions of grandeur,” he said.

“He’s a character whose body has grown, but his mental age is almost like that of Shin-chan,” he added, referring to the five-year-old protagonist of Japanese manga and animation series Crayon Shin-chan (1990 to 2009).

Aside from acting, Choi quashed the idea of a return to BigBang. He confirmed his departure from the group in 2023, a year after appearing in their song and music video Still Life (2022), which was not promoted with any live performances at the time.

“Moving forward on my own, I felt that if I faced criticism and backlash, it was something I could endure alone. However, as long as I remained part of BigBang, there will always be guilt that cannot be erased. I believed I could no longer let the team suffer because of me,” he said.

“The reason I cannot return is, honestly, because I feel too ashamed to face the other members.”

The band, with viral hits such as Haru Haru (2008), Fantastic Baby (2012) and Bang Bang Bang (2015), are among the most well-known and successful K-pop acts. They debuted in 2006 as a quintet, but are now down to the trio of G-Dragon, Taeyang and Daesung. Another former member, Seungri, left in 2019 due to a major prostitution and gambling scandal.

While Choi is no longer a part of BigBang, he hinted at a possible return to music as a solo artiste.

“For the past 10 years, I’ve only been going back and forth between my home and my music studio. The reason I stayed in the studio was that creating music was the only time I felt like I could escape the darkness,” he shared.

“I made a lot of songs. There’s no exact release plan yet, but I do have something in mind for the near future.” THE KOREA HERALD/ASIA NEWS NETWORK