askST Jobs: Dealing with loss from leaving well-loved colleagues
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It is natural to grieve over leaving a team you are bonded with.
ST ILLUSTRATION: MIEL
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In this series, manpower correspondent Tay Hong Yi offers practical answers to candid questions on navigating workplace challenges and getting ahead in your career. Get more tips by signing up for The Straits Times’ Headstart newsletter.
Q: I have to leave my current team soon as part of career progression. How can I deal with the sense of loss I feel from leaving a team I am fond of?
A: It is natural to grieve over leaving a team you are bonded with, says organisational psychologist Brandon Koh.
“In some way, grief is the matured form of happiness as time runs its course on the impermanent things of life.
“While grief itself can feel uncomfortable, it teaches us to cherish what we have and value similar things we still have and can nurture,” says Dr Koh, a senior lecturer in the human resources management programme at the Singapore University of Social Sciences.
He adds: “Change, even positive ones, generally come with uncertainty. Leaving a good team for career progression makes change harder because it creates a trade-off between two important domains.”
Ms Diana Petrov, a therapist with therapy platform Talk Your Heart Out, says one emotion does not deny the other in such cases, and individuals can hold both emotions at once.
“The root cause lies in our basic human need for safety and belonging which we meet through forming bonds at work.
“Leaving behind our familiar work community triggers a sense of separation and loss which needs to be managed compassionately.”
In the initial phase of adjusting to a new work setting, she says, it is normal for workers to experience a sense of cautiousness and hypervigilance, as they are assessing their new environment and orienting themselves in an unfamiliar territory.
During such transitions, it is normal and expected that you do not perform at your best, and for your motivation levels to fluctuate, she adds.
“It is important to remember that settling into a new work setting and forming bonds with new colleagues takes time and is a process that cannot be rushed.”
As workers adjust during this transition, Ms Petrov warns of the possibility that self-doubt emerges as a response to the sadness.
This might lead workers to start comparing what they had in the old workplace with what is available in the new work environment.
“While this is entirely normal, we also want to adopt a solution-focused mindset, looking at what works well in the new setting and identifying small actions we can take to make the adjustment easier for ourselves.”
Still, Ms Petrov says it is possible, and also important, to support oneself through work transitions.
Some ways she suggests include processing these thoughts and feelings through mindful self-reflection, journalling, or through speaking to someone who is trusted.
Rather than push back these feelings, it also helps to have a process of accepting and normalising the experience by reminding oneself that these emotions are valid and a natural part of the transition.
Workers can also remind themselves of the personal and professional goals and values that motivated the change despite feeling bonded with the team they are leaving.
They can also acknowledge that it takes time to adjust to a new workplace and to build new relationships, as well as take small steps to start building new work connections, such as asking a co-worker out for lunch.
Proactively nurturing existing relationships can help as well.
“Just because we do not meet daily in a work context does not mean we cannot hang out outside of work,” Ms Petrov notes.
However, she adds: “If the sense of loss feels overwhelming and it impedes our daily activities, or if we simply wish to explore our emotions in a safe environment, seeking therapeutic help from a mental health professional can be extremely supportive.”
