Rise in single mothers reflects changing face of Chinese families

BEIJING – Once defined by tradition, the concept of a modern family in China is evolving as more women choose to navigate life as single mothers, with independence as their compass.

Along the way they are redefining motherhood, balancing responsibility with freedom, and proving that fulfillment comes in many forms.

Four years ago, there were approximately 30 million single mothers in China, according to statistics from the Ministry of Civil Affairs. In families in which the parents divorced, only one in six fathers chooses to raise their children, meaning that 83 per cent of these families are headed by single mothers, the data showed.

“The rising divorce rate is largely driven by women’s increasing self-awareness and emotional disconnection in the digital age, yet society’s support for single mothers remains insufficient,” said Ms Li Jiao, a counselling psychologist.

Almost two in three, or 64.6 per cent, of single mothers are hesitant to disclose their single-parent status, according to the 2018 Living Conditions And Needs Of Single Mothers in Ten Cities report. This is primarily due to concerns about being judged or criticized by those around them, the respondents said.

When it came to openly acknowledging that their children were from a single-parent family, 50.5 per cent of single mothers worried that their child might be perceived as flawed, while 37.7 per cent were concerned their child would be excluded by their classmates.

“Single mothers face several key psychological challenges after divorce: internalized self-doubt due to societal bias, emotional withdrawal from the loss of a partner, and deep guilt over their children’s well-being,” said Ms Li.

She believes to better support single mothers post-divorce, society needs to redefine family norms, establish relevant community services, implement government-led psychological counselling hotlines, and introduce preventive interventions.

Seizing back control

Single mother Guo Jia, 40, is one of the legions of independent women challenging traditional stereotypes and forging their own paths.

She is not only the founder of Shomiux, a cultural communications company, but also the leader of Mei Club, a female club in Beijing.

Her transition from married life to an independent entrepreneur and single mother reflects women’s changing perceptions about family, success, and self-worth in modern China.

Ms Guo’s decision to divorce in 2019 was not made lightly. She recalls weighing the “cost-effectiveness” of her marriage, realising that while she had grown and evolved, her partner had remained stagnant. With differing values, she found herself unable to accept the status quo.

“I believe in aligning actions with beliefs. If our mindsets don’t match, forcing it only leads to more pain,” said Ms Guo.

Post-divorce, Ms Guo had to reconstruct her life financially and emotionally, and also as a mother to her now eight-year-old son.

She took her passion for women’s empowerment and transformed it into a business. What started in 2017 as a personal quest, had by 2024 become a full-fledged operation with 80 employees.

Becoming a business leader was fuelled by a strong sense of purpose, she said. “Freedom is not just a legal status; it’s also a social and emotional state. The label of ‘single mother’ carries weight, but I see it as a badge of courage. It means I had the strength to walk away from a situation that no longer served me.”

She acknowledges the challenges single mothers face. “People often assume we are struggling or pitiful, but I refuse to accept that narrative. I control my own life,” said Ms Guo.

Therapy and a strong support network have helped her, ensuring she remains mentally strong for herself and her child.

Ms Guo’s women’s club, meanwhile, caters to women aged 30 to 45, whether single, married, or divorced. The goal is mutual support and growth.

“One member came to us devastated after her husband cheated and financially exploited her. Over time, she transformed into a confident, independent woman. Watching her journey also made me stronger,” said Ms Guo.

The club provides networking, career development, and emotional support through events and mentorship. “It’s not about rejecting men or marriage; it’s about being independent enough to choose what’s best for yourself,” said Ms Guo.

Healthier apart

Ms Cheng Kaixi, 37, a global marketing and communication professional for an advertising technology company based in Guangzhou, balances a high-pressure career with being a parent.

“The decision to end my eight-year marriage wasn’t easy, but one moment stands out. I was picking up my husband’s discarded laundry when I asked myself, ‘Why do I still need this marriage? What is it truly bringing me?’” said Ms Cheng.

The hardest part was explaining the situation to her 11-year-old daughter and six-year-old son.

Surprisingly, leaving the marriage didn’t require as much “rebuilding” as expected, as she had already shouldered most responsibilities on her own, she said. Yet, the financial strain grew as she became the sole provider for her daughter and aging parents. The boy is in the care of the father.

“Expenses like tuition fees, property costs, and daily needs increased. But rather than being burdened, I embraced the challenge. It taught me how strong and resilient I truly am,” said Ms Cheng.

Finding inner courage

Not all women find themselves on the path to single motherhood by choice. For some, divorce brings years of legal battles, emotional struggles, and the challenge of rebuilding both themselves and their family.

For Ms Chen Jing, 43, her journey began over a decade ago. At the age of 33, she found herself in a marriage that no longer aligned with her personal values or aspirations. She had a growing realisation that her relationship with her husband had stagnated, and they were no longer on the same path.

The divorce, though painful, was the first step toward reclaiming her life. Like many single mothers, she worried about her child’s well-being and the judgment she might face from society.

“At first, I feared that people would label me as a failure, seeing only the end of my marriage, not realizing the courage it took for me to make a choice for myself and my child. But eventually, I let go of that fear, because I realised that to live authentically and pursue what was right for us, I needed to be free from those expectations,” she said.

Ms Chen knew that rebuilding her life was essential, not just for her, but for her child. Financial independence became a priority, and she excelled in her human resources career at a Fortune 500 company.

In 2021, Ms Chen remarried and gave birth to a second son. Her goal to take her children abroad became a reality, and the family moved to various countries.

Marriage registrations fall

The changes to family structures, particularly an apparent reluctance to marry, are reflected in civil affairs data compiled in recent years.

In 2024, there were 6.11 million marriage registrations and 2.62 million divorce registrations nationwide, according to Ministry of Civil Affairs statistics.

This compares with 7.68 million marriages and 2.59 million divorces in 2023. The year-on-year changes represent a 20.5 per cent drop in marriages and a 1.08 per cent increase in divorces.

In the first quarter of this year, there were 1.81 million marriage registrations and 630,000 divorce registrations, with the number of marriage registrations further declining compared to the first quarter of 2024, according to the latest data from the Ministry of Civil Affairs.

Ms Gu Xiaodan, a lawyer at Shanghai Golden Trust Law Firm, has extensive experience in family law and has witnessed firsthand the hurdles faced by single mothers. With the increasing divorce rate, single motherhood is no longer seen as unusual, she said.

“One of the biggest challenges single mothers face is the inadequate enforcement of child support rulings,” Ms Gu said.

“Marriage laws today focus more on protecting original assets and the rights of minors, rather than solely emphasising traditional family structures,” said Ms Gu, who has observed a shift in how courts handle divorce cases, reflecting broader societal changes in attitudes toward single mothers.

While acknowledging progress has been made, Ms Gu stressed there is still room for improvement.

“The law provides a framework for justice, but true support comes from the community. More initiatives — such as accessible legal aid, counseling services, and workplace policies that accommodate single parents — are needed to truly empower single mothers,” she said.

Ultimately, Ms Gu believes that single mothers should not just be seen as individuals in need of legal protection but as strong, independent women who deserve recognition and support. “Divorce is not the end of stability — it can be the beginning of a new, self-determined chapter,” she said. CHINA DAILY/ ASIA NEWS NETWORK