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'Trapped' in a small flat: How Covid-19 made this family grow closer together
Being open and solving worries together helped the Tan family build resilience and grow in love amid the pandemic
Despite initial frustrations and tension from being cooped up at home together, the Tan family – Raymond, 34, Vivian, 33, and their two children Vera, 10 and Vernon, 7 – has grown closer amid the pandemic.
PHOTO: THARM SOOK WAI
Rachel Chia, Content STudio
Bored. Stressed. Isolated from the outside world, yet never alone. That was how it was in the Tan household during the Covid-19 lockdown.
Mr Raymond Tan and his family of four felt “trapped in a small flat” during the two-month long circuit breaker. The pandemic exacerbated tensions and conflicts at home, causing tempers to flare.
Seeking to ease the situation, they found a unique solution: Fish.
“Before that, my wife didn’t allow pets,” he laughs. “But after being cooped up at home every day, she relented.”
The Tans – Raymond, 34, his wife Vivian, 33, and their two children Vera, 10, and Vernon, 7 – are now the proud owners of a small school of colourful zebrafish, which occupy a tank in the centre of their three-room Housing Board flat near Bedok Reservoir.
Their experience of bonding as a family against daunting odds is note-worthy, especially as this year has been earmarked by the Ministry of Social and Family Development to celebrate Singapore families.
“Whenever we feel stressed, we relax by watching the fish swim and seeing how carefree they are,” says Mr Tan. “It really helped to manage the tension at home.”
Much of the conflict was over money. Like many in the F&B scene, Mr Tan’s hawker stalls were badly hit by pandemic curbs.
He had opened his first hawker stall – Reimondo Seafood Congee – in early-2021 to warm response, but a second stall in Timbre+ One North ended up being loss-making for over a year during the pandemic, as demand withered without footfall from nearby offices.
To add to his woes, Mr Tan could not bear letting go of his staff amid the economic downturn. And he had grossly underestimated the costs of setting up a new eatery, Super Supper. The two-storey shophouse in Little India opened this month.
To fund these and other family expenses, Mr Tan took out a personal loan of about $70,000.
But while other parents might hide this from their children, he chose to be open. He even set up a time each day for the family to share their concerns with one another.
“A lot of people don’t want their family to worry about what they are facing, but my approach is for us to be very open with each other,” says Mr Tan.
His enlightened approach to managing the family is in contrast to his own upbringing; he grew up without his parents, left school at the age of 14 and went to prison several times in his younger days for offences, including shoplifting and house-breaking.
“When we face trouble, we should talk about it, and not bottle it up. Otherwise when it explodes, it can be very devastating.”
Tackling concerns together
Apart from financial woes, among the things the family raised during their daily sessions included Mrs Tan’s frustrations such as how the house was not cleaned often enough. Meanwhile, the children wanted more activities and meal options.
The Tan family tackled these concerns together. For example, without being asked, Vera and Vernon cut down their use of air-conditioning to save money, and even tried to clean the toilet on their own.
Their parents bought board games for the family to play, and bunk beds to free up studying space in the childrens’ room.
Mr Tan and his wife agreed to ask each other for permission to leave the house to cool off when their nerves were frayed, instead of storming out. The couple also committed to prioritising family time. “In the past, we would have let ourselves be swept up in work,” shares Mr Tan.
This bonding took on a variety of forms, from changing the air pump in the fish tank together, to teaching the children about managing anger whenever the siblings fought.
Despite the pressures of paying off their loan, the Tans are now happier and closer than ever.
“The family nucleus grew really strong,” says Mr Tan. “The kids grew closer. My wife and I communicated more, and our marriage strengthened.”
“The more time we spent with each other, the more we grew in love. And it became a pillar of strength that let us lean on each other,” he says.
Mrs Tan adds: “We hear and see so many families falling apart due to financial constraints. I think the saying that ‘love covers all wrongs’ is true.”
“If we act out of love, it makes it much easier to bear the little things that annoy us. The tendency to quarrel with each other or scold our kids is reduced,” she shares.
These gains have not diminished, even as they adjust to life post-Covid. Now, the family has made it a habit to discuss things – even minor ones, like where to go for dinner.
“Last time, it was a dictatorship,” Mr Tan jokes. “Now we tend to communicate more and make decisions together. We even use our phones less when we go out, because we want to talk to each other.”
Tapestry of the country
Despite shifting household structures and increased stressors amid the pandemic, families have remained an important pillar of support in most Singaporean lives.
“Our family is important because it is our haven to rely on in times of need,” says Mr Ishak Ismail, chairman of the Families for Life Council. “For many of us, it is our family we turn to first for help when faced with setbacks. Everyone plays a part in recognising the value of families.”
The Ministry of Social and Family Development has dedicated 2022 as the Year of Celebrating Singapore Families (YCF) – a whole-of-society movement that cherishes the importance of our families.
It is led by the Families for Life Council, with support from the Alliance for Action to Strengthen Marriages and Family Relationships (AFAM).
“I hope the movement will encourage individuals to take personal responsibility to nurture and build strong and vibrant family bonds,” says Mr Ishak.
Fun time for families
Spend time and bond with your loved ones during the National Family Week, happening from June 4 to 12, with activities and events such as:
National Family Week @ Suntec (June 4 to 5)
Suntec Convention Hall 403 & 404
Presented by Families for Life, this carnival is one of the largest family events of the year, and packed with immersive activities at Becky Bunny’s Adventures. Families can look forward to a fun-filled day at the neighbourhood-inspired play spaces, with bouncy castles, colouring station, terrarium workshop and more. For the little ones, there will also be a meet-and-greet with Becky Bunny.
National Family Week @ Community (June 5 to 12)
- Lot One Mall (Roof Garden, Level 5)
- Our Tampines Hub (Festive Market, Level 1)
- Northpoint City Mall (South Atrium, Level 1), June 5 to 9 only
This attraction provides families a space to play while learning about the core family values of love, care and concern, commitment and respect. Enjoy hands-on activities such as colouring and sand art.
You can continue to spend family time together at the other events and enjoy deals offered by over 40 Families for Life and Made For Families partners, including CapitaLand Malls, Esplanade – Theatres on the Bay, FairPrice Xtra, Klook, SAFRA and Sentosa.
National Family Week Instagram contest
Spot Becky Bunny at the National Family Week events and around Singapore, snap a family photo with her and upload it onto Instagram to enter the contest. Increase your chances of winning by taking more photos with Becky Bunny at different events. Five lucky families will win a multi-generational family staycation, each worth over $1,200.
Find out more about the contest at go.gov.sg/CelebratingSGFamilies
Celebrating SG Families Pledge
Online at go.gov.sg/ycf-pledge
By pledging to the Celebrating SG Families Pledge, Singaporeans can commit to simple acts that nurture family values and strengthen relationships.
This is the first of a two-part series in partnership with the Ministry of Social and Family Development
