Orphan with a heart for the lonely

Mr Selva Raju Arumugam has many fond memories of the tactics his mother used to wake him up in the mornings.

Sometimes, she would threaten to pour hot water on him. Or she would say the time was much later than it actually was, making him jump out of bed in a panic.

He recalled: "She was also an awesome cook and I miss her cooking."

They were a "happy-go-lucky" family who would spend weekends together, as well as with their extended families, he said.

But it all came to an abrupt halt when he was 15.

His mother, who suffered from serious complications of diabetes, had come down with a bad bout of stomach flu and had to be hospitalised. She was on the mend when she suffered a heart attack and died.

She was 46 years old. The teenager's world came crashing down.

Close to tears at the memory, Mr Arumugam, who is now 27, said: "It was a big shock. I was very close to my mum and her death hit me very hard. It was very hard to cope.

"I also felt very lonely as I was not close to my dad."

His father, a deliveryman earning about $1,000 a month, was 20 years older than his mother. Mr Arumugam's sisters are also much older than him, by about 10 years.

As a student in the Normal (Technical) stream at Unity Secondary School, he found it hard to keep his mind on his studies and was grateful when his teachers gave him extra help and his friends were there for him through his grief.

Know of a Singaporean aged 35 or below who has shown grit amid life's adversities? E-mail us at stnewsdesk@sph.com.sg

Their support made him study harder and he topped his school in the N levels, scoring four points for his best three subjects.

His mother's death forced him to grow up and be independent. He had to learn to cook and manage his finances. He started working part-time as a waiter while studying at the Institute of Technical Education (ITE) College East so he would not be a financial burden to his father.

Mr Arumugam said the social safety nets did not fail him. He received bursaries while in school and benefited from other financial aid schemes. His two sisters, a clerk and a nurse, also supported him financially.

He learnt resilience. "No matter what comes your way", he said, "never give up".

Three years after his mother's death, his dad suffered a stroke and had problems with mobility as a result. Mr Arumugam became his caregiver as his sisters had married and moved out by then.

Perhaps because of the stroke, his father also became more forgetful and would get lost while out on his evenings walks.

Mr Arumugam made it a point to come home after school so his father would not be alone.

He said: "I wanted to hang out with my friends but I felt caring for my dad was more important. It was only me and him."

About a year after the stroke, his father was diagnosed with late stage stomach cancer. He died a few months later at the age of 71.

With his parents gone, he now lives alone.

It gets especially hard during festivals and birthdays, when the extended family would gather at their flat, which they no longer do.

He said: "These are fond memories which I wish I could turn back time to have."

While sadness punctuated his home life, his education was going from strength to strength. He graduated from ITE with a Higher Nitec in biotechnology and was accepted into polytechnic.

Next month, he will graduate from Temasek Polytechnic with a diploma in biotechnology. He is looking for a job now and plans to earn a degree in biomedical science in the future.

Out of gratitude for the financial aid he received, Mr Arumugam started to volunteer - at first on an ad hoc basis but now regularly - to give back to society.

While at the ITE, he volunteered to tutor at-risk youth. He also joined Youth Corps Singapore, a national institution that champions youth volunteerism, in 2015, and he now helps to organise activities for youth with disabilities and their caregivers.

"These children are precious to me. I can relate to them as I know what loneliness is like," he said. "It gives me so much personal satisfaction to see them smile or give me a high five. Words can't express it."

Ms Catherine Ng, Temasek Polytechnic's senior manager of Student Development and Alumni Affairs, described Mr Arumugam as a kind and responsible student who is willing to go the extra mile for others.

Ms Ng oversees the Community Service Club at the polytechnic and Mr Arumugam won two school awards for his community service last year.

Last year, he was also one of 24 recipients of the Harvard Prize Book (Singapore). The prize is given by the Harvard University Association of Alumni in Singapore to altruistic students who have gone the extra mile to show they care, said Mr Titus Yong, chairman of the Harvard Prize Book (Singapore).

Mr Yong added: "We feel that students have little time to care for their family and community as everyone is trying to embellish their curriculum vitae. So we want to emphasise service leadership. Selva is an extraordinary young man and we are very encouraged to see people like him serving (the community)."

Mr Arumugam said the book, Making The Most Of College: Students Speak Their Minds by Harvard University Professor Richard Light, encouraged him to press on with his volunteer efforts.

"I used to be self-centred when I was younger and I never thought of others. But losing my parents and teaching at-risk youth have taught me to think of others. My passion to serve keeps me going. My only regret is that my parents were gone too soon and they never got to see my achievements."