I can relate to Straits Times associate editor Chua Mui Hoong's story about her late mother (Palliative care: Not an act of despair, but a loving way to ease the last journey, Feb 11).

My siblings and I were at a loss when my father contracted lung cancer in 1989.

I took on most of the caregiving as my siblings had work and family commitments.

We went from doctor to doctor, trying all kinds of drugs and supplements, hoping to improve his condition. Cancer drugs and specialist consultations were expensive, but the love for my father took priority over cost.

At one stage, the oncologist told me that he was already treating my father for his cancer and there was no need to continue to see the neurologist (to whom my father was referred because he complained of pain).

The medicine the neurologist prescribed was expensive and each visit would cost about $500.

In short, my father experienced a lot of pain, and it was distressing to see him go through it. Eventually, he died of his cancer in 1990.

At that time, I had no knowledge about palliative care or hospice care, and no one had mentioned it to me.

When my mother was diagnosed with late stage colorectal cancer many years after my father died, my siblings and I were devastated.

At first, we tried all means to treat her. When we learnt that her condition was terminal, I suggested to my siblings that we consult with a hospice, and managed to make arrangements for home visits. The care that was showered upon her and extended to the family was priceless.

Two weeks before her death, she was residing at the hospice. During those two weeks, she was happy and smiling.

She eventually died in 1998. But she was given a dignified sending off.

To this day, I am still touched by what the hospice did to take care of my mum and continue to make donations to the centre as a token of my appreciation.

It is important that people know where to go when their loved ones have a terminal illness. It is also important to know the wishes of the patient's loved ones.

Many people prefer not to talk about end-of-life issues, and many also do not know where to start. Therefore, perhaps this is a good time to develop a template that one can use for discussion when faced with this difficult topic. That would be one way to circumvent the taboo around the topic.

Lim Kock Lian