Forum: New conversation about parents’ roles and expectations needed
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Will the measures Prime Minister Lawrence Wong announced at his National Day Rally to encourage Singaporeans to have more children – more money, more leave, more BTO chances – actually move the needle? As a parent of four who has worked with young people for the past decade, my answer is: Yes and no.
For couples who already have their first child, the caretaking system is already in place, so having more children now feels more reassuring – the new measures make “yes to more” an easier choice. For older parents of an only child, though, these measures may do little; the “time” they need is not something government policy can restore.
For the growing group of young couples who have yet to decide on having children, I doubt these measures will help much.
Many cite time and cost as their reasons for holding back, but the real issue, I believe, is that they are uninspired by the idea of joining the parenting club – by peers who complain endlessly about parenting fatigue or boast endlessly about their children’s achievements.
Why give up a carefree life with annual trips abroad to spend the rest of it wondering if you’ve done enough? These impressions are understandable and no one should be judged for holding them.
What we need is a new conversation about our roles and expectations as parents. How much should parents demand of ourselves before we feel we’ve done enough? Is parenthood about realising our own aspirations through our children’s full potential, or is it simply about surrounding them with love, giving them enough challenge to grow up independent and resilient, having fun together and creating a safe space they’re excited to come home to?
My boys have brought my wife and me endless joy – from their first steps to their first uniforms, and from their habits of giving up their seats for elders to expressing gratitude at meals. Will they be as “successful” as I hope? If they grow up to be independent, resilient men who treat others with respect and know how to love life, I will have done enough as a parent.
Benny Lai