The success of a society depends on its members’ ability to repair relationships when breaches occur (Dying alone is not always a bad death or symptom of societal neglect, Dec 1).

When this fails, conflicts erupt, and the connection between people is broken.

The key to resolving persistent problems is to be empathetic and try to grasp the other person or group’s motivations and feelings.

Perhaps there is a deeper question facing us today: Do we want a nurturing society, or one that is indifferent to the feelings of others?

Many of us have feelings of anxiety and ambivalence about sending our parents to institutionalised care. There is a certain difficulty in drawing a clear line between help and intrusion. A caring response from our community may not be possible. Yet, at the same time, we fear dependence on other people.

Being tuned in to another person is not something one can take for granted. People who do not spend sufficient time with others can find it hard to sustain their bonds.

While we can sometimes manage to sustain relationships through conversations on the telephone or on social media platforms, this is not what seniors desire. Warm human contact can lift an elderly person tremendously.

If people can learn to slow down and start by doing one small thing for the benefit of others, they are often able to savour the pleasure of relatedness, and build on it.

Perhaps the concept of a caring society could involve behaviours that are desirable in families – noticing people’s needs and feelings, paying attention to them, and responding to them even when it doesn’t suit us.

Sherman Goh Keng Hwee