My sister was diagnosed with dementia in 2010. I watched and tried to help my late mother do all she could - and perhaps more than she should have done and more than what my sister would have wanted - to look after the daughter she so loved ('Don't rob them of their independence': Helping patients design life around dementia, Sept 21).

Caring for my sister is physically and mentally exhausting at a level I have never experienced before. Our family struggled through often distressing decisions and heartbreak. I was close to my sister and I hated losing our closeness as her dementia progressed.

Looking back, I was not kind enough to her in the early stages of her condition as I didn't fully understand what was happening to her and how much she needed me to put her needs first.

The first person to notice the disturbing lapses of memory or serious confusion is almost always the person with dementia, and my sister often responded by retreating into her private fears, defending her independence with vigour. If only I could have sensed the distress behind her protective veneer of impatience that often swatted away our concerns.

Many of the symptoms in the early stages of dementia become apparent only with hindsight.

Even before we start worrying about someone's memory "blips", it is important to foster active independence, while keeping an eye on things and quietly planning.

Doing whatever we can to encourage older people to enjoy an active and stimulating life is a big step towards fending off the threat of dementia, and emphasising the benefits of staying fit will also help tremendously.

Care that is given with calm reassurance is the best sort of nurturing care.

It was easier to see what help my sister needed as she moved through the middle and later stages of her condition.

She is now bed-bound, and it may seem like she can no longer communicate, but the sister I love is still there and can still draw comfort from - and sometimes respond to - gentle affection and soothing voices, and find solace in music or a simple loving touch.

Sherman Goh Keng Hwee