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Tackling tantrums
What to do if your child misbehaves in public, for instance, if he throws a toy at another child:
1. Stop him by calmly blocking his hand.
2. Repeat the rule: "You are not allowed to hurt others."
3. Model good behaviour by apologising to the other child and parent in front of your child, especially if he is not willing to do so on his own.
4. Next, take your child to a private space away from others.
5. If he is crying, wait till his tantrum subsides so he is more receptive to listening to you. In the meantime, do not scold or punish. Calm him down with a hug if he allows you to.
6. To connect with your child, talk to him at eye level. Help him describe his emotions, for example, "I know you are feeling angry because..."
7. If he is old enough, reason with him why he cannot throw things at others. Or come up with alternatives, for example, instead of throwing things at others, "Let's throw balls when we go home later".
8. Think of consequences that specifically address the behaviour you are responding to. For example, if he throws a toy truck at someone, a logical consequence is to keep the truck so that he cannot play with it.
9. Never placate your child with a lollipop or toy or give in to his demands just so he will stop crying. It will reinforce his negative behaviour.
•Source: Shu Mei Winstanley, co-founder of Chapter Zero Singapore, and Dr Cecilia Soong, head of counselling programme at the School of Human Development & Social Services at SIM University