Sassy answers to pesky questions

Tired of answering pesky questions from relatives when you go visiting? Here are some sassy responses.

Why don't you have a boyfriend/girlfriend yet?

I do have a boyfriend/girlfriend. But he/she is a Calvin Klein model and is doing a photoshoot overseas.

Do you want me to introduce you to so-and-so?

There's no need. The line of people wanting to know me stretches around the block.

When are you going to get married?

When Harry Styles/Taylor Swift finally finds the courage to propose.

When are you going to have a baby?

I don't need to have a baby. I married one.

Why are you so skinny?

Well, I don't want to put on weight… like you.

Why are you so fat?

It's easy for me to put on weight. The genes are in our family, which means I could have gotten them from you.

When are you going to get a job?

I am working. I'm a full-time Instagrammer.

How much do you earn?

Not enough. Care to give me more money?

Why can't you be more like your brother or sister?

I don't need to. I'm already the better sibling.

A version of this article appeared in the print edition of The Sunday Times on January 31, 2016, with the headline 'Sassy answers to pesky questions'. Print Edition | Subscribe