1 Can someone get me some sunscreen, please? Or an umbrella? I know I look like I haven't aged a day, but honestly, the blazing sun is doing nothing for my complexion.
2 I'd appreciate if Singaporeans could stop saying my lion's mane has no volume. I made long hair cool in the 1970s, okay - way before Jared Leto!
3 Could a Merlion family reunion be arranged at some point? I've heard one of my relatives who lives in Sentosa is doing really well for himself.
4 I wish someone would just turn me 45 degrees to the left during F1 so I could watch some of the action too. It's so near yet so far!
5 Attention, tourists: Could you guys stop taking photos of the Marina Bay Sands without me in it? I'm the original attraction! I'm the national icon!
6 And when you do kindly include me in your pictures, please stop making it look as if I am spewing water into your mouth. That's just gross, not to mention unimaginative. Go to a 3-D art museum for those cheesy snaps.
7 Given that I have to stand here and watch the sky light up with fireworks every time it's Singapore's birthday, isn't it time there were some fireworks for my birthday too?
8 Oh, speaking of birthday presents, can someone get me an N95 mask already?
9 I would really appreciate it if, henceforth, no one brings up my not-so-glamorous origins as the brainchild of bureaucrats tasked to create a tourist bait.
10 Insurance companies, please stop sending me forms to upgrade my ElderShield plan.
