"An assistant said, 'You have to sign some papers.' So we came back and between meetings we were told, 'Here's your licence.' Then the judge came in... and at some point, Brad said, 'Shouldn't we be standing up?' The judge said, 'No.' Then suddenly, we realised we were married, in the most unceremonial way possible."

ACTRESS ANGELINA JOLIE, who sealed the deal with actor Brad Pitt between work meetings in California

"Everything I say is funny. I must be the funniest dude ever. Only to find out, man, my jokes suck."

SINGER JUSTIN BIEBER, who has learnt not to surround himself with "yes men"

"I am not going to be defined by that number. Yeah, it's coming, so what?

I want it to come and go as fast as it can."

ACTRESS HALLE BERRY on her 50th birthday next year