NEW YORK – Eyes gently closed, breaths slow and steady. Meditation, at least when other people are doing it, always looks so peaceful.

But in our chronically distracted, phone-addicted world, sitting still for 10 or 20 minutes is tough and often causes your brain to pinball between errant thoughts. Meditation teachers say that you should recognise those impulses and then come back to your breath or whatever you are focused on.

But what if you cannot find your way back? What if you are just left frustrated?

“That feeling is very common,” said Dan Harris, co-author of Meditation For Fidgety Skeptics and founder of the mindfulness app Ten Percent Happier. But, he added, “distraction in meditation is not proof of failure”.

Still, it can feel discouraging in the moment, as if you have failed or somehow missed the point. But the benefits of mindfulness can outweigh the frustrations. Even short bursts of meditation can help people become more focused, less anxious and less depressed, even those who have the most trouble focusing in daily life.

“Mindfulness helps people for a number of different reasons – including that it helps with learning how to regulate attention,” said Dr John Mitchell, an associate professor at Duke University and an expert in mindfulness and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

Much of the research on distraction and meditation comes from ADHD experts like Dr Mitchell who have, over the past 15 years, shown that it can be especially beneficial for people with attention disorders – despite the specific challenge that sitting still represents. And the discoveries these experts have made can benefit everyone who is looking for help in becoming a more skilled meditator.

But you have to get started – and that can be the hardest part. Meditation teachers and clinicians give advice on how to begin a practice – and stick with it.

Failure is actually success

The first thing to know is that you are going to be distracted again and again and again. That may lead to some negative views about your brain. Everyone struggles with this at first, said clinical assistant professor David Austern from the psychiatry department at NYU Grossman School of Medicine. However, these feelings of being “bad” at meditation are often more acute for people with attention issues.

There is no such thing as being good or bad at meditation. That is just not the point. Every time you get distracted, you start again, so noticing the distraction is actually proof of success, says Jeff Warren, a meditation teacher who has ADHD and who is co-author of Meditation For Fidgety Skeptics.

“The most good-for-you thing you can do is to notice where you’re at and accept who you are”, even if that is getting distracted every 10 seconds, he said. You are human, and you are allowed to be human. That is the beauty of meditation. It is about being human and in this moment – no matter how distracted this moment is.

Another tool for fighting back against mid-meditation feelings of failure is something experts call “loving kindness meditation”, which can help you forgive yourself when your mind wanders. It involves offering words of encouragement and kindness to yourself and others as you meditate.

“May I be happy, may I be healthy, may I be free of suffering – those are kind of the classic meditation phrases,” said Dr Lidia Zylowska, an associate professor in the department of psychiatry at the University of Minnesota and one of the first to study how meditation can benefit those with ADHD.

You need not meditate to be mindful

Mindfulness and meditation are related, but not the same, Dr Mitchell said. Mindfulness is the practice of being attentive and aware in any given moment. It is noticing when your brain starts replaying the obtuse thing you said in a work meeting while you are supposed to be paying attention to your spouse recounting his day – and then bringing your attention back to listening. Mindful meditation is taking a set period of time to actively focus on being present – often by focusing on your breath.

Dr Zylowska frequently starts her patients out with mindfulness exercises that they can do without setting aside any additional time in their day. For example, you can brush your teeth mindfully by spending those two minutes noticing the taste of the toothpaste, the sensation of the brush on your gums or the brightness of the light in your bathroom. Since you are (hopefully) already in the habit of brushing your teeth, you are more likely to do the exercise.

Consider micro-meditations

Many meditation apps default to 10-, 15- or even 30-minute meditations. That is probably too long for beginners, especially those with trouble focusing, Dr Mitchell said.

Harris and Warren have a motto they return to often with new meditators: One minute counts.

“Shame is a terrible motivator,” Harris said. If you are trying to sit for 30 minutes because you feel that is what you ought to be doing, you are not going to stick with your practice, he said, adding: “If you find it torturous, take a smaller bite.”

Start with three to five minutes and work up from there, Dr Mitchell said. It is a skill you have to develop, and the more you do it, the better you will get.

Take your meditation to go

“You don’t need to sit on the cushion to get the benefits of meditation,” Warren said.

Incorporating movement allows people to release energy, Dr Mitchell said. “When people are walking, they’re engaging their body”, which can enhance their ability to focus.

Curiosity trumps boredom

“It’s very normal to experience boredom during meditation”, no matter who you are, Dr Austern said. The human brain is wired for novelty. This makes beating back the desire to check Twitter during meditation even more difficult.

“One way to beat boredom is to focus on being curious,” he added. To cultivate curiosity – especially curiosity in your current moment – try to notice things you have never noticed before. Are there bird calls you have never heard? How does your breath feel as it moves through your nose hairs? Do you think those hairs wave like trees in a breeze as you exhale? Sure, it is weird, but those thoughts will keep you in the moment.

Get help

Dr Zylowska finds that many of her patients do not realize that it is normal – expected even – to struggle with meditation and mindfulness. Having access to a mental health practitioner who is trained in mindfulness-based cognitive behavioural therapy can keep you from feeling frustrated. So can joining a meditation group or pairing up with an accountability buddy. ADD.org lists weekly, online meditation groups for those with similar journeys to find focus. NYTIMES