For some singles, ‘hobbyamory’ has replaced hook-ups

NEW YORK – Salsa class after work on Monday. Chess club on Tuesday. Boxing on Wednesday.

That was only the first half of Tylo Laidlaw’s week. So when the conversation turns to dating, the answer is simple: Lately, he is making more time for hobbies than dates.

After his last relationship ended in 2024, Laidlaw realised he had become stagnant and robotic.

Even though he followed the trajectory of graduating from college, getting a job and saving money, “something was missing”, he said.

He was not feeling connected to himself.

The 30-year-old tried different hobbies.

For him, it was about staying curious and putting himself in environments he would not otherwise be in.

Now, he feels more well-rounded.

Chess, for example, introduced him to new people and taught him life lessons around strategy and accountability.

“I’m so fulfilled in my life that I know the right person will come,” said Laidlaw, a freelancer in creative direction who lives in London. “But I’m not out searching for it.”

Even though he is a relationship kind of guy – “I want to do the boom box outside the house,” he said, referring to a scene from the 1989 classic film Say Anything – he is finding that he is less concerned with dating because he is enriched in other ways.

“I’m so good with where I’m at,” he said, that “the energy becomes infectious”.

You could call it “hobbyamory”: Laidlaw is among a growing number of singles emphasising multiple hobbies over dating.

Rather than spending hours swiping and messaging on apps, these singles are investing their time, energy and disposable income in passions such as rock climbing, cake decorating and cyanotype printmaking.

They say their social calendars are packed, their friend groups are expanding, and their lives feel rich, with or without a romantic partner.

Young people are prioritising their well-being and happiness in a way that other generations have not, said Alexandra Solomon, a clinical psychologist and adjunct professor at Northwestern University.

“Lots of people in this generation are asking important questions about this capitalist model of working from nine-to-five,” Solomon said.

“They’re trying to create lives that have some more flexibility and adaptability, and that really value the experiences in life that are beyond just earning money.”

They are also a generation feeling disenfranchised by artificial intelligence and disinclined to drink, making wholesome, creative and tactile activities all the more appealing.

Online, terms like “hobbymaxxing”, the pursuit of as many hobbies as possible, have taken off.

According to TikTok, #hobbies has seen an almost 15 per cent increase in posts in the US so far in 2026 compared with 2025, and #grandmahobbies has grown by more than 400 per cent.

“Side quest”, a term originally used in gaming, has taken on a new life online: It describes the activities and adventures in which people partake outside their routines to add whimsy to their lives.

According to TikTok, US posts using the term “side quest” increased by more than 210 per cent in 2026 compared with the same period in 2025.

Lisa Kimura, 31, a user experience designer in New York City, has mastered the art of the side quest.

In early 2025, she learnt to DJ, inspired by a flourishing music scene in her Bushwick neighbourhood that she felt needed more women.

She also took a genealogy class in 2025 and began building her family tree, then picked up Japanese calligraphy.

Her most enduring passion, though, is fibre arts. She knits and dabbles in just about every fibre craft she can get her hands on, she said, including crochet, tapestry weaving, rug tufting, embroidery and cross-stitch.

Kimura moved to New York in 2023, excited about the dating scene.

But as an introvert, she found the experience draining. She has not been on a date since last summer.

“I realised that it’s really difficult for me to hear my inner voice when I’m in a relationship”, or sometimes just in the presence of a man, she said. “I grew up in a very traditional, very immigrant household where the patriarchy was alive and well.”

Hobbies have helped Kimura feel more secure and find her voice, partly because many of her hobbies end with a finished product, giving her a sense of accomplishment.

Unlike the women in previous generations in her family, whose lives were centred on marriage and raising children, she feels empowered to pursue the activities that bring her happiness.

“I feel like I can design my future,” she said.

As for romantic relationships, Kimura said she is not closed off to dating indefinitely. “I just don’t feel like I’m in such a rush anymore.”

Amy Chan, a dating coach and author of the book Unsingle: How To Date Smarter And Create Love That Lasts, said: “People have dating fatigue. They are just so disappointed with the apps that some of them are not dating at all.”

For clients who tend to lose themselves in relationships, she advises shifting focus away from finding dates and towards building a rich personal life first.

“It’s really, let’s build a full life so that you’re not coming from a place of scarcity and you’re not dating like you’re starving,” she said, adding that establishing independence creates a positive ripple effect when they do return to dating.

Solomon added: “There is a collective course correction around dating apps, which have been the centrepiece of dating in the last 10 years.” The solution is investing in real-world experiences.

This is not necessarily a bad thing, so long as it is not coming from a place of emotional retreat or avoidance, she said, adding: “Putting yourself out in the world with actual humans and actual art projects or creative endeavours or community endeavours – that’s a really healthy adaptation.”

The endeavours could even lead to new romantic prospects who have common interests.

Jenneh Kaikai, the owner of Pelah Kitchen, hosts cake-decorating classes in New York that are popular among singles.

“So many folks join for solo dates and things to do as an alternative to dating apps,” she said. “I think right now, there’s kind of a boom in people wanting to do those sorts of activities – something that’s creative, tactile and also not focused on drinking.”

For Michael Fasulo, who lives in Cambridge, England, and works in marketing, that has included paddleboarding, open-water swimming and baking.

He took up the activities in January after splitting with a long-term partner.

He has two teenage children who have become more independent and developed their own social circles.

Those two factors combined left Fasulo to do a lot of soul-searching.

It started with baby steps, the 42-year-old said.

“I’m just trying to do things to get my spark back, to lift my mood, to give me something to do,” he said. “I think where I maybe have gone wrong in the past is I’ve kind of defined happiness by a successful relationship.”

His definition has since changed, though.

“The more confident, the more fulfilled, the more I expand my social network”, he said, “the better partner I will be in the future and the more likely I am to find the right partner as well”. NYTIMES