1. Follow the smell. Get rid of the dead cat under the sofa first.

2. Don't break the law. Read the news. You must pay the cleaner at least $1,000 now.

3. To create more room for you to spring clean, remove every piece of junk first... except your mother-in-law.

4. Harry Potter is a liar. Don't believe him. You still need to do all the work because that broom of yours isn't going to move on its own.

5. Use a large pail to store your soap water. If one's not available, a 20-piece chicken bucket from KFC will do.

6. Do not, we repeat, do not throw the couch out of the window. A couch is strictly for sitting. Not for flying.

7. Do not be too sentimental. Don't be too attached to things. Unless it's your life-support ventilator.

8. Aiyah, just don't invite anybody to your place lor. Photoshop your "my beautiful home" pics on Facebook. Problem solved.